Dark Places
by JMLHCPKSfan
Summary: Kendall is James's new pool boy- but James is convinced he's a complete jerk. Carlos, his best friend, convinces James to give him a chance, since Kendall's dad just died and he's having a hard time in life lately. Turns out, there's more to Kendall than eyeliner and a bad attitude, and James can't get enough. (Kames/Cargan) WHOLE THING REWRITTEN WITH MUCH BETTER ENDING
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, everyone! So a lot to say about this one, I'll try to make it somewhat brief.**

**If you read the first attempt to this story, you're probably pissed off at me and don't read my stuff anymore. Well I know how you feel. I actually went through and read it, and the ending even made ME mad. **

**If you're just now reading it, good. The last one was poorly written and had such a shit ending that I cried because I was so mad at myself. I lost a LOT of readers with that one, and this is my attempt to make it better. I deleted the first attempt so I could start fresh. (FYI, basically one character died and so their boyfriend committed suicide, only to find that he had gone insane and imagined the whole thing.)**

**Here's the deal. I'm following the same plotline, except I'll probably merge some chapters together. This'll be better written. And nobody's gonna die. Nobody's gonna wake up crazy. Those two things I will promise.**

**If you've already read this and you're reading it now, don't think that you shouldn't read it again. This one's gonna be better. I'm completely rewriting it. And thank you so much for giving it another chance. :)**

**Love,**

**JMLHCPKSfan**

**P.S. This takes place when the guys have shaggy hair and boyish features. WAAAAY back when. I just thought it was an important detail so that you guys know how to imagine them when you're reading.**

* * *

James laid across his white plush couch, eyes on the flatscreen TV. The Pussycat Dolls danced on it in high-definition, flashing their perfect bodies to him. Gosh, who needed to go to school when they had Nicole Scherzinger, with her long, smooth legs, her flowy hair, her plump lips in HD? She was hot.

Suddenly the door burst open and was slammed shut. James sluggishly got up, knowing exactly what he was in for. No, it wasn't his mom who had stormed in on this sunny Friday afternoon. She was rarely ever home- she was always- ALWAYS at work. She basically just gave James money to live in this huge house alone. So it wasn't Mom that entered the house. It was Carlos, whose wrath didn't even compare to James' mother's.

"I fucking hate your guts! You said you were coming to school today! I had to fucking be with Jenny Tinkler in Chemistry- AGAIN! I was really counting on you to be there, but once again, you let me down," Carlos said, hands flailing around for emphasis as he approached his taller friend.

"Los, calm down," James grumbled.

"No, YOU calm down!" Carlos yelled, shoving his friend. Sometimes he had the Napoleon Complex, thinking he was able to push James around although the Latino was almost a half a foot shorter. James did nothing, though, just rolled his eyes and made his way to sit on the couch again. "Is this what you do all day? Watch the fucking Pussycat Dolls on MTV?"

"Hey! This is Fuse!" James argued.

"I'm gonna fuse my fist into your god damn head!" Carlos threatened. That was a new one. "James, everyone thinks you're dead! It's illegal to not go to school you know that, right? Your mom could go to jail! What's your problem with school anyway?"

"Why should I go, Los? One good reason. Wait-" James stopped Carlos' long list of reasons coming on. "One good reason that I give a shit about."

"Well I'm there. And I would hope to God that your best friend is worth it enough."

James looked unconvinced.

"Look at you! You look like a damn hobo, sitting here watching the whore Nicole Scherzinger on TV. All day."

"Hey! I'm gonna marry her someday- you better watch your mouth."

"I've personally seen you watch this exact video at LEAST thirty times. When you could be at school, learning stuff, hanging out with me!"

"Los! I have no reason to go to school!"

"I know you have dreams bigger than being a model for your mommy's company," Carlos said, pointing a finger at his friend. "Look at it this way- Nicole would never go for an uneducated BUM like you."

"Maybe. But she'd go for an uneducated angelic supermodel like me," James shrugged.

"Are you even listening? Turn up the fucking volume, James! I know you turned it down!"

James turned his head to show Carlos that the tiny earpiece deep in his ear was beeping a green light every five seconds, saying that it was at normal volume. James was legally deaf, his hearing deteriorating from childhood. When he was 14, it got so bad that his mother had to buy him hearing aids. State-of-the-art ones, which went deep into his ears, had a little metal wire that went around the inside of the curve of his ear, and was completely invisible. Only James, his mom, and Carlos knew about it.

Carlos crossed his arms in defeat.

"I realize you're a spoiled brat, but what happens when Mommy finds out that you've been skipping days at a time?" Carlos asked softer.

"She won't care. You know she doesn't give a shit."

"James, I will PAY you to start going to school again."

James opened his mouth to challenge that, but the doorbell was rung. It was a long, chiming bell that was about ten seconds long, and the asshole behind that door just kept pressing it over and over until James was storming to the door, flinging it open angrily.

There stood a blond boy in a grey beanie, torn jeans, a light blue shirt saying "Knight Pool Co.", a black hoodie although it was the end of April, and eyeliner around his caramel green eyes- making the color pop. The boy's eyes got wide as they turned to James and his finger froze as it pressed the button again.

"Hello, good sir," the boy said smartly, doing a dramatic bow as the doorbell went on with it's chimes. "I am here to clean thou dirty-ass pool."

James recognized the logo on the boy's shirt, but normally a man came to care for the pool. A man, now that James realized it, who had the same colored eyes, same nose, and same brows as this boy.

But before James could say anything, the boy was trying to push past him and enter the house.

"Um- excuse me! What're you doing?" James caught the boy by the chest and gently shoved him back out.

"Gonna clean your pool, dickweed."

"Oh, hey. Kendall, right?" Carlos said cheerfully, on his toes to see over James' shoulder. The boy smirked and his eyes lifted to James' again.

"He your boyfriend? Am I interrupting something?" The boy asked.

"No. It's called having friends. You might consider it," James shot back. The boy rolled his eyes smoothly. "Who even ARE you?"

"Kendall Donald Knight, born November the second of the year nineteen sixty-three, son of Carson and Jennifer Knight," Kendall bowed sarcastically.

"Nineteen sixty-three? That would make you fifty years old," James said.

"Now you're gettin' it, cupcake," Kendall said sarcastically, patting James' cheek as he pushed his way in to the house.

James, fuming, whirled around to see Kendall looking around in curiosity.

"You know, I always heard you were a rich bitch. But I mean, you can watch Adam Lambert on TV in HD!" Kendall mused in mock amazement, gesturing to the TV, which was now showing an Adam Lambert video, "Tracks of My Tears". "I always suspected you were Team Hotdog."

James blushed furiously, Carlos holding him from charging at the stranger.

"What is it? Three stories?" Kendall asked in mock interest, touching his chin as he looked around.

"What the fuck is your problem?" James growled. Kendall just smirked and flipped the boy two birds- one on each hand- and bit his lip as he backed away toward the glass door in the kitchen leading to the back yard. He whirled around once outside and gestured in mock amazement to the pool through the glass. Although it was covered up for the winter, it was still a huge below-ground pool surrounded by a patio.

Kendall then whirled to the side, flipping the bird to something on the left side of the yard. James knew that Rusty, his huge grey Great-Dane, was barking at the stranger in the yard from his big chain-link pin.

"He's an asshole," James noted.

"Yeah," Carlos nodded. "Got any food?"

James was relieved that Carlos had forgotten about his lecture for now. Although Carlos went on rants all the time, James still hated them.

So they sat and watched Family Guy while eating Cheetos. Man, if Mrs. Diamond saw them eating food, much less CHEETOS, on the white couch, she'd personally slit both of their throats.

James found a little pleasure in the scene of Kendall outside, taking the cover off of the pool with some difficulty. It was an expensive cover that didn't even touch the water, just hovered tight above it, tight enough for James and Carlos to walk over top of it. It was a two-man job, really, and come to think of it, James might remember the man who used to do this job bringing along a boy that was about James' age every year. He was surprised to realize that that boy was Kendall.

Over the course of the hour, Kendall had gotten the cover off of the pool, turned on the pump, and dumped a bunch of chemicals in, obviously knowing exactly what he was doing every step of the way. At the end of it all, he put all the supplies back into the pool shed and made his way back to the house, black hoodie over his arm.

"Done," Kendall said as he entered. James was surprised to see that the boy actually had some impressive biceps, but then again, what did he expect? He worked on pools, for God's sake.

"Do I pay you?" James asked, confused.

"Nah- I get paid monthly. But I mean, if you have like, I dunno, a few hundies just layin' around, I'll hold them for you," Kendall smirked, wiping his face with his jacket. Still his eyeliner hadn't smeared.

James rolled his eyes and Kendall reached his hand into the bag of Cheetos, stuffing some chips into his mouth, even though his hands most likely had chemicals on them.

"Catcha later," he said slyly before making his way to the door, dragging his cheesy fingers across the arm of the couch on his way.

James just stared at the orange streak in shock, which would take him and Carlos hours to find a remedy for on Google and to fix.

"YOU ASSHOLE! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? THIS COUCH COSTS LIKE- THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS!" James screamed, jumping up as Kendall opened the front door. The blond turned as he stepped out, an index finger on his bottom lip in mock innocence.

"Oops, clumsy me," he said, when smirked and slammed the door shut.

* * *

Mrs. Diamond entered her home that night, suitcase rolling behind her. She wasn't surprised to hear a baseball game blaring from the living room, which she could clearly see. She closed the door and made her way to the couch, where she saw her son, James, sitting on the right side of the couch, head supported lazily on a knuckle, and his friend Carlos with his head in James' lap as they watched.

"Hey, Mom!" James smiled, jumping up and sending Carlos flying to the ground. James hugged his mom tight and Carlos muted the game. "How come you didn't call?"

"I didn't know I was coming. Hi, Carlos. Night to see you," Mrs. Diamond said this in a slow and well-pronounced voice when she spoke to Carlos. Although she'd been told otherwise, it was a habit of hers to speak slowly and clearly to Latinos, being in the marketing business.

"Hey, Mrs. D. I can speak English, you know." Carlos muttered.

"I'm sorry. It's a habit."

James sat on the arm of the couch, where the faint remains of an orange stain still remained.

"Why doesn't our old pool guy come anymore?" James asked, reminded of that jackass Kendall from the stain.

"He died a while ago," Mrs. Diamond explained.

"Kendall's dad is dead?" Carlos squeaked. James' brows jumped up.

"I think he had some type of cancer."

"Man, it all makes sense. I bet that's why he missed all that school last month," Carlos said in realization.

"It's been hard on the family, I hear. A wife and a daughter and a son. The wife's on disability and the daughter's only eleven or so, and so the son has to provide."

The boys were silent, both feeling guilty for not understanding Kendall's attitude.

"Now leave me alone- I'm tired. Carlos, you're staying?"

"Of course."

"Okay. Don't be too noisy- I'm leaving in the morning."

"Awe, really?" James pouted.

"Don't pout, you'll ruin that pretty face," Mrs. Diamond said seriously.

"Wake me up before you go," James requested. Mrs. Diamond kissed her son's cheek before going to her room down the hall. James and Carlos sneaked Rusty inside and upstairs, where they hid him in James' room. James had a bit of a soft spot for Rusty, and had him in the house most of the time despite his mother's wishes.

The dog was thousands of dollars to buy as a puppy, but that was when Mrs. Diamond's cosmetics company started booming and she started being away from home more. James was in seventh grade then, and she didn't want to leave him home alone too much. So she bought him a puppy for his birthday- one that she knew would be huge and stupid, yet loyal when it grew up- just like James (or so she suspected). Turned out, James really liked the dog and even started to train him. The two grew together until James was six two and the dog's pointy ears were up to his sternum, and Rusty was very protective of his master.

"I feel so bad for Kendall," Carlos said, laying on James' carpeted floor as James sat on the bed, the huge dog, which stood on its hinds to be taller than James himself and which cost thousands of dollars to adopt as a puppy, across James' lap.

"Me, too… I bet he's a jerk cause of his dad," James said absently, stroking the dog's huge head.

"He doesn't have any friends either. I guess he lost them all when he came back to school wearing dark clothes and makeup, which SOMEONE missed because he didn't come to school."

James was silent.

"Can we have him over?"

"No way! He ruined my couch!"

"Only cause he felt threatened! Cause you were being mean to him!"

"He started it."

"Look, he'll probably say no anyway. It's the thought that counts, RIGHT?"

So Carlos got on Facebook with James' fancy Mac and found him. Kendall Knight- 3 mutual friends.

His profile picture was from a long time ago, obviously. Kendall was wearing the same shirt he wore today, and was with a man who looked a lot like him, except had greyer hair and more wrinkles. Kendall had an arm over the man's shoulders and they both smiled hugely. There were no ripped jeans, black hoodies, beanies, or eyeliner in sight, and Kendall's hair was cut neatly above his brows and ears, as now it exceeded his brows in golden waves. He seemed really close with this man who seemed to be his father.

Kendall hadn't made a post since Christmas, and that was a post of a picture of Kendall and a few of his buddies playing guitar at the Holiday Talent Show, Kendall singing into a mic, seeming so happy and friendly. James had missed it all. This whole profile was a ghost of the old Kendall Knight, he guessed.

Carlos quickly found the boy's phone number and typed it into his cell phone.

"What're you gonna say?" James asked.

"Gonna ask him if he wants to hang out tomorrow or something."

* * *

"Kendall, honey, can you put the clothes in the dryer?" Mrs. Knight called from the kitchen, where she was cooking dinner for her hard-working son and daughter.

Kendall sighed and raced down the stairs, trying to act peppy for his mother. He didn't want her to know how down he was still about his dad… He knew she felt horrible about her son plunging into a depression.

"Yeah, Mom, I got it," he said briskly, making his way to the living room to transfer wet clothes to the dryer. He felt like he was stabbed in the stomach as he found that in the washer were his father's old clothes.

He took a big wet "Knight Pool Co." t-shirt and stormed to the kitchen.

"Why?" he asked, trying to conceal his anger.

Mrs. Knight sighed and turned to her son, looking up. He was so tall now. He had been tall for a long time, but now he was so much more different. He wore only dark clothes, save his baby blue work shirt. His lids were rimmed with black eyeliner. His hair had grown out and covered his brows… And an overall wall covered his eyes, masking every emotion.

"We have to get rid of it, honey," she murmured. "All of it. And I know YOU don't want to keep it for yourself."

Kendall felt that familiar feeling of his chest tightening, his breath becoming labored, as he fought tears, staring at the wet t-shirt in his hand.

"I know it's hard, honey. I miss him, too. But… We can't hold on forever. We have to let go."

Kendall turned away harshly, not wanting his mother to see that he still teared up at even the mention of his father's death. She was worried about him- so worried. Even Jennifer herself was healing faster than her son… It had been three months and still Kendall couldn't handle it. She knew that he was very close with Carson- EXTREMELY close- but she was worried that Kendall would never heal.

As soon as her thin hand touched his back to sooth him, he was gone, storming away to put the clothes into the dryer. As he passed her to go upstairs again, she saw that his lip was puffed out just a little, white around his green irises turning pink.

Kendall returned to his room, where he slammed the door and finally let his tears flow freely. But he didn't sob. No- sobbing was for pussies. He held in the impulses with difficulty, wishing for someone to hug him… But not wanting the person to see that he was crying. He knew it was stupid, but he hated to cry in front of people. Even Katie and Mom. Everyone nowadays saw him as some sarcastic asshole who wore makeup, and if they saw him cry… That would be the end.

He sank to the floor, head tilted back to rest on the door as his crying subsided to quiet sniffles. His eyes moved to the hole in the red wall, just beside his bed. The hole that was caused when Kendall punched the wall, the night that his father died in the hospital. Kendall didn't want to believe it. All the way up to the end, when the cancer was making Carson delirious and weak, his father had insisted that he would be there to help Kendall with the pools this summer. Instead Kendall was forced to take over the whole business. Kendall was mostly angry at himself for not being there for his dad for the end- he was at hockey practice. He remembered the coach calling him to the stand and telling him to leave- that his mother had news for him.

Kendall hadn't played hockey since.

It wasn't until a few rings in that Kendall realized that his phone was going off, buzzing and ringing on his bed. He pulled himself up, thinking it was probably a telemarketer or something on the other line, and picked up the white iPhone, which he bought with his hard earned money. It wasn't a telemarketer number… It had the Minnesota area code.

He ignored the call and sat on the bed, wondering who it was.

A few minutes later, there was a beep signifying a voicemail. Kendall listened to it suspiciously.

_"Hey, Kendall. I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out tomorrow, like, at the mall or something-" _A faintly familiar voice said. Who the hell would want to hang out with Kendall? He had a sneaking suspicion it was a crank call… _"Or you and me and James could hang at James'- he's got some sick games. Okay. So call me whenever. Or text me. Oh, and this is Carlos Garcia."_

Kendall angrily pressed "END" and tossed the phone to the floor, staring at it like the phone just slapped his grandmother or something.

It WAS a joke. A sick one. Carlos and James HATED Kendall, probably because Kendall was such a dick to them. So they thought it'd be funny to tease the kid with no friends. What douchebags. Like Kendall needed MORE pain. He wished it would stop already.

* * *

**I hope this was a good start. Tell me what you think so far, I wanna see if people who stopped reading because of the old version have given it another chance.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yay! You guys like this! Mission complete!**

**And for all of you who liked the other ending, I think I sort of did, too. So I'm gonna rewrite that, but it's not gonna be part of the story. It'll be a one-shot, probably. Sometime… Dunno when. But I don't wanna leave that part unwritten.**

**I know it seems like I'm a spineless asshole. I am, thanks for noticing.**

* * *

Kendall never did call Carlos back. So Carlos and James hung out all weekend alone, Carlos feeling like a failure but James kind of glad that Kendall didn't call.

James decided to go to school Monday, there was something telling him that he should.

After lunch, Carlos decided to make his move. The whole Kendall thing had really been bothering him, and he wanted to know why Kendall didn't at least text back to say he had plans. He just wanted to be Kendall's buddy, since the boy seemed to not have any. Carlos himself didn't have many besides James. Sure, he was friendly to everyone and got along great with nearly every person he met, but those weren't really friendships that blossomed into late-night gaming sessions or deep conversations.

He knew exactly where Kendall's locker was. It was a bottom locker, just below Vince's. Vince was a major football jock and a huge dick to Kendall, never allowing Kendall to get to his locker in time by just standing there for no reason with his locker door open.

It wasn't hard to find the two lockers. It was the one with all the people crowded around it, who moved in a swarm around Vince as Carlos arrived. He watched Kendall flip them all the bird angrily and squat down to open his locker.

"Hey, man. What class are you going to?" Carlos asked cheerily, but Kendall didn't seem to notice. So Carlos just stood there and waited.

Finally Kendall stood with his Calculus book in his hand, jumping when he saw the Latino staring at him. Carlos realized that the blonde had earbuds in his ears, blasting music.

He waved happily and Kendall removed the bud from his left ear.

"How come you didn't call me, homie?" Carlos said. Kendall rolled his eyes and kicked the locker shut.

"Cause I didn't wanna hang out."

"Why?"

"Cause I know you're just being a fuckface and wanna make fun of me. I wasn't up for that."

"What? Who did that to you?" Carlos asked, eyes wide. "No! I just- WE just-"

"Carlos, is it?" Kendall asked, confirming Carlos' name.

Carlos nodded, holding out his hand for shaking. Kendall stared down at it and then his green eyes stared right into Carlos' soul, it seemed like.

"Fuck off. Leave me alone," Kendall growled, turning away. Carlos' mouth dropped open in shock as he watched Kendall walk slowly, pausing the music and putting the headphones and iPod into his hoodie pocket.

"HEY! Wait!" Carlos called, prancing to catch up with Kendall again. "We should make plans!"

"Leave me alone."

"C'mon, man! I just wanna be your buddy!"

Suddenly Kendall turned and caught Carlos by the chest, easily slamming him into the lockers. The few people still lingering in the hallway stared, eyes wide.

"You and your little boyfriend leave me the fuck alone. Okay? I don't wanna be your buddy. I'm fine alone and I hate everyone- ESPECIALLY people like you."

"He's not my boyfriend," Carlos said quietly, black eyes huge in horror. "And I don't think you're fine alone."

Kendall's fist closed around Carlos' shirt and he pulled back only to slam Carlos back into the lockers with a metallic rattle, Carlos' face twisting up in horror. Kids from the classrooms wondered out into the hallway, gathering around the two. Carlos knew that he could shove Kendall away with the books pressed against his stomach and make a run for it, but didn't. His eyes never left Kendall's.

"Look, bro-" Carlos began in surrender.

"I'm not your God- damned BRO!"

Kendall's books thumped to the floor and both his fists curled into Carlos' shirt to smash him into the lockers once more.

* * *

James was in the classroom right to the left of the "fight", and at first wasn't going to follow everyone to watch the commotion. But when people started chanting _FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT! _James decided it might be worth his time to see. All the teachers were running late from lunch, so of course there were no one to stop the tussle.

"Who's fighting?" James asked as he came out of the door.

"James, you have to help your buddy," a girl with red hair pleaded up to James, seeming genuinely concerned for James' "buddy". She shoved him toward the crowd, and it was easy for the tall boy to see over everyone. And what he saw pissed him off to no end.

Carlos' looking frightened and paralyzed, was pressed against a row of lockers by a blonde in dark clothes. That would piss him off any day. But what sent him shoving people out of his way to approach was the fact that the boy in the dark clothes was Kendall Knight. The bastard that Carlos was working so hard to be nice to.

Carlos' dark eyes caught sight of his best friend and seemed to relax a little.

"Hey! What the fuck are you doing?" James growled, Kendall turning his face to look up only slightly at James, eyes hard and angry, not changing expression. But suddenly they flickered to the sea of people behind James and went wide. He hadn't noticed all the people standing there and his breath caught. He hated for people to look at him. It's why he stopped performing his songs in public.

But James hadn't seen the weakness in Kendall's eyes. He only saw that his hands were still on Carlos and he wasn't letting up.

James took the opportunity to tear Kendall from Carlos and slam him against the lockers, cheek and chest pressed to the cold metal. People cheered and Carlos just stared in horror.

"Don't fuck with him. He's been nothing but sweet to you this whole time and there's no reason to be an asshole," James said lowly and dangerously into Kendall's ear. Kendall found that he couldn't fight back, his arm being twisted behind him and James outweighing him in muscle easily. But still Kendall was hard headed and was silent instead of apologizing.

"Tell him you're sorry," James growled. Kendall's eyes shifted to the horrified Latino, who hadn't moved at all, but just stared.

"James- let's just go before we get in trouble," Carlos pleaded.

"Fuck that!" James slammed Kendall into the lockers again, Kendall wincing a little. "Tell him you're sorry for being an asshole!"

Kendall was close to giving in when a high-pitched voice cut through the chants and cheers.

"HEY! BREAK IT UP!" Mrs. Dawson called, shoving through the crowd. She was merely five foot one, yet didn't seem to care. She was really young, fresh out of college, and really pretty. "What're you doing? JAMES? Stop it!"

She pulled James away by his shirt and had one hand firmly on his chest as if James would lunge at any moment. She made sure Kendall was okay.

"I'm fine," Kendall growled, staring at James with hatred.

The woman looked ridiculous pulling two boys a foot taller than her by the shirts to the principal's office, but she didn't care.

* * *

"Since there was no real violence involved, I can't do too much. But James, I'm going to have to give you detention." The principal, Mr. Richards, said as he sat behind his desk; James, Mrs. Garcia, Carlos, Mrs. Knight, and Kendall on the other side, sitting.

"What? But he was gonna hurt Carlos, and he even admitted it!"

"But he didn't."

"This is bull!"

"Wanna push it even more?"

"Mr. Richards. Sir. Please… I know that Kendall has been a bit aggressive lately, and I know that he DID start the tussle. Don't put the whole punishment on James," Mrs. Knight said calmly. Kendall's mouth dropped open and he turned to his mother.

"No! No, no, no," Carlos interrupted. "How about NOBODY gets punished? Nobody's hurt, except maybe Kendall's pride a little bit- but maybe not. James was just sticking up for me and I guess in his own weird way Kendall was sticking up for himself. I wasn't doing anything bad to provoke it, I swear, but I guess he felt threatened anyway. Please, sir?"

Mr. Richards, an understanding guy, took a deep breath in thought.

"Okay. You're right, Mr. Garcia," he nodded, and Carlos perked up with pride. "But if I ever see any of you fighting with anyone else, it's all over. Get it?"

None of them knew what the men meant by "it's all over", but nodded anyway.

* * *

Kendall drove the car back home, his mother in the passenger seat. It wasn't until five minutes into the ride of silence that he noticed his mother's sniffles and eye wiping.

"Mom…" he sighed, running a hand over his face and resting his elbow on the windowsill, cheek in his hand.

"I don't know how to deal with you anymore," Mrs. Knight said softly. "You're trying o beat kids up who only want to help?"

"He was mocking me." Even to Kendall it sounded stupid.

"Carlos Garcia is the sweetest boy at that school and we both know it! You know that he sincerely wanted to be there for you and yet you turned him down and scared him half to death in the process."

Kendall was silent, knowing she was right.

"You can't keep pushing people away. Especially me- your own mother."

"I'm healing, Mom. That's all."

"You should be farther along than this by now, Kendall… It's not normal to still be so closed off after three months," she murmured, then fell silent. When she finally spoke, it sent ice into Kendall's stomach. "I think I need to admit you."

Kendall was silent, tears coming to his own eyes. He knew this was coming. She wanted to admit him to the mental hospital for "help". And that scared him so bad.

"No, Mom," Kendall pleaded.

"I'm worried about you. So bad that I check to make sure you're still in bed in the middle of the night. I never know what you'll do next! You're always either angry or depressed or just… Not my Kendall. Some robot or zombie. And with the fight today, it showed me that I shouldn't only be worried about you, but everyone else, too."

"I can get better."

"If you could, you would have by now."

"Mom, don't say that."

"You've lost all your best friends. The ones you used to play guitar with and perform with and play hockey with. And now you're alone and you try to beat up the one person who reaches out to you. You've pushed everyone away, sweetie, and eventually even Katie and I will be afraid to talk to you."

"You and Katie shouldn't be scared. I love you guys and I'd never hurt you."

"I know, baby."

Jennifer didn't say much after that, seeing the panicked tears running down her son's cheeks. Finally as they pulled into the driveway, he spoke.

"Give me a week."

"For what?"

"To make some drastic change. I'm gonna call Carlos tonight and- oh God- I'm gonna call him and make things better."

"Really?"

"I know it was wrong of me to do that to him. And he IS a sweet guy… I could use him in my life. And… If by the end of the week I'm still same, take me to the hospital."

Mrs. Knight seemed satisfied with this, and she exited the car smiling.

* * *

Carlos was never expecting the phone call he got that night. The call from Kendall Knight.

"Hey, buddy!" Carlos answered happily, plopping down on his bed. "Sup?"

Kendall was surprised that Carlos had greeted him so welcomely and was still so nice. He ignored the reference to Kendall as "buddy" and hesitated before speaking.

"I'm sorry, Carlos."

"Oh, it's okay, buddy. I know you're sorry. You're secretly a great guy- deep inside. Just never expected you to call me and tell me that."

"I know…"

"So how about you eat lunch with me and James tomorrow?"

"No way."

"James won't touch you, I promise. As long as I tell him not to."

"So… Tell me honestly-"

"No, we really aren't gay together. I swear," Carlos laughed.

"Oh… Well… I guess I can take a break from the bleachers for one day…"

"Awesome! I'll flag you down when I see you."

"Okay."

"Hey, Kendall?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you play guitar?"

Kendall was taken aback, confused.

"Yeah…"

"Oh. Cause I saw a picture of you and some guys playing on stage on the internet, and I thought you looked really cool. Do you write music?"

Confused as to why they were talking about this, Kendall answered slowly.

"Not since-"

Carlos knew what the end of the cut off sentence was, but said nothing.

"Well hey, I can sing pretty okay. And James sings amazingly, but you don't care. Maybe we could make a song together, you know? I play a mean harmonica."

"I don't think so."

"I hear it's good for getting your feelings down."

"It is."

"Oh. Could you teach me?"

"No."

"Okay. It's cool," Carlos said without hesitation. "But I wish you'd keep playing. I mean, you look badass with a guitar."

Kendall was silent, confused.

"A little."

"I bet what you need to inspire some music is a girlfriend."

"No," Kendall snapped. "I have enough to inspire music."

In reality, girls rarely ever even looked at Kendall. And he learned to lose interest in them after a while.

"Hey, so the English report is due tomorrow, right? Do you have that done? I bet you do- you're really good at school."

"I have to go," Kendall said abruptly. He, of course, had that report due the week it was assigned.

"Oh. Okay. Well don't forget about lunch!"

"I won't."

"It's gonna be a good time. We have a lot of food fights, and sometimes I make James laugh to hard that milk comes out of his nose. It's hilarious."

Kendall imagined the huge guy, laughing so that liquid spurted from his nose. He didn't even know what James' laugh sounded like.

"I have to go."

"Okay. Thanks for calling me. It means a lot."

With that, Kendall hung up without another word, slamming his phone down. Dammit! Why did Carlos have to be so damn NICE?

* * *

It was hard for Kendall to miss the Latino standing in his chair, waving his arms around at Kendall as he entered the lunch room without a lunch. Kendall tried not to blush, looking around to see that nobody had noticed, and hurried to sit with Carlos.

"Hey, broseph. Where's your food?" Carlos asked, sitting back down. He had a packed lunch of several pieces of cold pizza and a soda.

"It's Katie's turn to eat lunch today," Kendall explained, eyes on the table before him.

"Are you kidding me? Man, I can bring you lunch money. Or extra food, if you want."

"No. It's fine."

"But you're hungry, right?"

"Doesn't matter."

Carlos had whipped out a napkin and sat a cold piece of pepperoni pizza on it, scooting it to the spot that Kendall was staring at. Kendall's eyes hardened and he pushed it back.

"Just eat it. I know you're starving, and I have plenty," Carlos said, sliding it back in place.

"I don't need your charity," Kendall growled as he pushed it away again.

"It's not CHARITY-" Carlos pushed it back yet again. "It's helping a brother out."

"I said no!" Kendall suddenly exploded, shoving it back to Carlos with his caramel green eyes on fire. Carlos raised his hand in surrender, not wanting to make Kendall leave.

Kendall sat his elbows on the table and cupped his head in them, staring at the seat in front of him. It was vacant.

"Where's your boyfriend anyway?" he asked softer this time, knowing he fucked up by getting mad.

"He's not here today cause he's a god damned mother fucking cunt face," Carlos said smartly. Kendall smirked and turned his eyes to Carlos, who was eating busily. He noticed that the pizza on the napkin hadn't moved from its neutral spot between them. "I THOUGHT he'd be here, but he let me down. Again."

"Bad boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend," Carlos said, not angrily but matter-of-factly. "And he just skips school for days at a time cause he can. His mom's never home and doesn't care that he does it. She didn't even care that he got in a 'tussle' at school."

"Wish my mom was that way. She's clingy as fuck," Kendall said.

"Mine, too. And my dad. I'm the youngest of four boys and I'm the last one at home, so they're all up my ass all the time."

Kendall was silent and he nodded. Carlos casually pushed the pizza back in front of Kendall, and to his surprise Kendall picked it up and brought it to his lips.

"Thanks," he muttered, and Carlos smiled proudly as they ate in silence. Finally Kendall turned to Carlos, eyes thoughtful. "I guess I'm not usually such a dick. But… I'm not used to people actually acting like they like me."

"I'm not really acting. You're a cool dude."

Kendall rolled his eyes.

"Well… Yeah. So thanks," he said softly before facing forward again.

* * *

**Hey guys, so I'm going to Niagra Falls for my sister's wedding (that there queer-o-sexual marriage ain't legal in my neck of the woods) and won't be back till Saturday. So that's why I won't be posting or replying to messages from tomorrow night to Saturday. **


	3. Chapter 3

Kendall slowly approached the door to the Diamond house gate that lead to the back yard. It was Friday, the day that he was to clean four pools: James Diamond's being last. And he really wasn't okay with seeing that douchebag, James, anymore. He hoped maybe, like the rest of the houses, he could just go into the yard by the gate and not have to go through the house to get to the pool.

He walked through the trim, lush grass, making tracks as his feet swept through the blades. He guessed the Diamonds probably had a gardener and lawn service, too. But probably not a maid, judging by the little messes in the house here and there and the dishes that hadn't been done in a week that were in the sink. The fence around the back yard was tall and wooden with fancy pointed ends, painted white.

"Fuck," Kendall muttered, tugging on the handle. Of course he saw that there was a key pad there, which was dirty and worn, with a beeping blue light. But a guy could dream of a day when maybe the technologically advanced lock would fail and allow him access, right?

He stole away and stomped purposefully through the neat grass, which he was positive that this JAMES guy didn't cut himself. He probably didn't do shit. Just sat around and jacked off, Kendall guessed. He was a spoiled brat. A huge house that he basically lived alone in, everything he could possibly want, a loyal best friend, a hot body, a handsome face, and he didn't have to do shit- not even attend his Senior year of high school. Kendall guessed he wasn't even planning on graduating, since it was May and James only came to school three quarters of the year total. MAYBE James would be able to graduate if he came to school the rest of the year and did makeup work. MAYBE.

Kendall pounded on the huge front door and rung the doorbell probably fifteen times in a row before the door swung open. His eyes widened as he stared at a pissed-off looking James in turquoise trunks and a black tank-top, showing the boy's tanned biceps and strong chest. He quickly averted his eyes, silently cursing himself for the thought of James having no underwear on crossing his mind.

"Um… Could I maybe have the code to your gate?" Kendall grumbled.

"52637," James said. Kendall was surprised to find a bit of threat in his voice. Of course he'd still be pissed about the fight.

"Shocker," Kendall spat sarcastically. "Does that spell James?"

"I didn't make the code," James growled. "Just come in and go out back- I'm busy."

"I don't give a fuck! What're you doing, beating of to Adam Lambert?"

James' eyes turned defensive and puzzled as he stared at Kendall, who met his eyes for the first time. He saw that Kendall wasn't so blocked off this time. Like he was sort of bowing down to James because he knows what James will do. Those caramel green eyes showed that Kendall was afraid of his mouth getting the shit knocked out of him.

"Most homophobics are just afraid to admit that they themselves are gay," James said flatly. "Just saying."

Kendall was silent, expression not changing at all except for his black-rimmed eyes staring as James cocked a brow expectantly.

"Could I just do my job? I have homework," Kendall said quietly, shifting his weight a little.

James stepped back and Kendall entered.

"I'm tanning out back," James said as he followed Kendall to the back door.

"You mean you don't have a tanning bed?" Kendall asked in mock astonishment.

"My mom DID- in the basement. But I guess she got rid of it. I like to come out here and enjoy the yard anyway." James opened the door and Kendall walked out.

A deep, booming bark sounded and heavy pawprints were coming fast. Kendall jumped as he watched the huge Great Dane charging and barking at him. He had to deal with dogs all the time, but not ones that had a head that exceeded his belly button.

"No, Rust. Stop it!" James said sternly, a strong hand shooting out and a high whistle escaping his lips. The dog immediately stopped in its tracks as if it was on a chain and it was yanked back. I continued to bark, and James made a staccato shushing noise, and the barking ceased to only whining.

"I trained him myself," James said proudly, and Kendall watched as he gave another command and his finger jabbed toward the ground. The dog dropped to the ground, huge head in its paws, reddened and sagging eyes looking obediently at his master. James smirked as he saw the awe in Kendall's eyes. "Pretty cool, eh?"

Kendall's eyes flashed to James' and he whirled around.

"Teach him to throw a tea party, then I'll be impressed," Kendall scoffed as he made his way to the pool shed.

He retrieved the needed supplies, even though the pool was spotless with only leaves in it, and turned. He was surprised to see that James had shed his black tank top and now laid in a tanning chair with his hands behind his head and a radio playing "Today's Hit Music", aviator sunglasses shading his eyes. Kendall's eyes ran over the muscles. The muscles on his abdomen, on his ribs, on his arms, on his chest, and that damn "V" that creviced from atop James' hips and turned in to protrude below James' swim trunks.

"Take a picture," James called cockily.

"Maybe I will, asshole. Send it to your Mexican boyfriend," Kendall snapped back.

"Hey!" James shot to sit up, removing his sunglasses to reveal blazing hazel eyes. "He's not Mexican."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!" James got to his feet and approached. "And he's not my boyfriend, either."

"Yeah?"

Now they were nearly nose-to-nose, Kendall daring and James pissed off. He had had enough of this kid already. He WAS okay- but how could he STILL pick on Carlos? The kid wasn't even there! And hadn't he made it clear that targeting Carlos was a bad move around James?

"I know you're gay, Kendall Knight," James growled. Kendall's mouth snapped closed and he just stared, face turning red. "I see the way you check me out. The way you're so set on me being gay. God, just admit it!"

Kendall's face was red as a turnip now, nostrils flaring weakly as he stared.

"I'm NOT a faggot," Kendall said, softer than he intended.

"Maybe if you just accepted it, whatever's living up your ass will crawl out and you'll be able to stop being such a mean mother fucker."

"I'M NOT GAY!" Kendall suddenly yelled, shoving James. "What don't you get?"

Before James could do anything, Rusty was charging. Kendall hadn't even realized what had happened when two huge paws hit his shoulder with bone-crushing force and he went toppling into the water. He came sputtering to the surface to see the huge dog swimming to the built-in underground steps and climb out, shaking out it's coat.

"Guess Rusty thought you needed to cool off, eh?" James said, embarrassed. He didn't scold the dog. Didn't put the dog in. Just reached out a hand to Kendall, who was royally pissed off.

"Fuck off," Kendall snapped, wading to the other end to the steps, ignoring James' gesture to help. James put Rusty in his pin.

"Hang your clothes up on the fence and we can go get you clothes."

"I don't need your clothes," Kendall growled, shaking his hair out like a dog, droplets of water landing on James' bare skin. James shrugged as if he didn't care and made his way back to his tanning chair as Kendall tossed his soaking shoes into the grass and walked around the pool to continue his work.

Before laying back down, James made his way to the shoes in the grass and then put them on the spikes of the fence to dry off. Kendall acted like he didn't notice as he scooped leaves from the water.

James laid back down to tan and listened to his music as he watched Kendall. The guy's eyeliner was running a little and water dripped from the end of his hooked nose as he worked. Sometimes he would look up at James, thinking the boy was sleeping or something, unable to see his eyes through the glasses. Kendall's eyes would linger for a moment before he shook his headed and dropped them.

Finally Kendall was checking the water temperature and he looked up at James. James smirked this time.

"Am I getting any tanner?" James called from across the yard. Kendall's head snapped into place and he tossed the thermometer back into the water and stood.

"I'm not AFRAID of gay people," Kendall said, picking up some supplies to go to the supply house. James jumped up and sprinted to help.

"Why do you say that? That's random."

"You said I was homophobic. But I'm not afraid of gay people, and I know you and Carlos aren't gay. I just- you know."

"Yeah. I know."

They put the supplies away and James retrieved Kendall's shoes for him, which were dry by now.

They entered the house to find Carlos on the couch, yelling at the TV which was playing a hockey game.

"Los! When did you get here?" James called.

"Oh, like an hour ago," Carlos called back with a wave. Kendall gave James a confused look.

"He just… Comes in?"

James laughed and handed Kendall the thick envelope of his monthly pay that his mother left.

"Duh," James snorted. "Who's your favorite team? I like the ones with the red and black and white jerseys- the…?"

"Kings?"

"Yeah! Them!"

"Didn't your dad ever teach you the team names?" Kendall asked seriously.

"Pft- I haven't seen my old man since I was like- four," James snorted. The doorbell rung- only once this time- and James made his way to the door. "Go upstairs and find some dry clothes, then we can hang down here, eh?" he said to Kendall.

Kendall snapped out of his daze then. He was thinking about what James said about his dad. That he hadn't seen the man since he was a kid. James wasn't torn up about it, obviously, but maybe he could relate to Kendall's pain a little…

"No."

James gave him a confused look before holding a finger up in a "just a minute" gesture as he opened the door.

There, outside, stood a short, scrawny boy with messy black hair, innocent and scared black eyes, and pale skin. He held a stack of textbooks in his arms. He looked up at James, a little startled.

"Um- hi," the boy nodded courteously.

"Hi?" James questioned as Carlos galloped up behind him. The boy nodded to him, too. "Do I know you?"

"Oh! I'm Logan. Logan Mitchell," Logan gave a shy, lopsided smile. "I have your homework."

"Oh- I don't need it. I-" James began to tell the boy that James was pretty much just dropping out of school, but the boy interrupted.

"If you do all this, you could still graduate with a D average. It's a lot, but the teachers agreed on it. Cause you got good grades all the other years, you know?"

"He'll do it," Carlos said, prancing forward to take some of the books from the boy. "Come in, Logan! It's a party now!"

Logan slipped past James with a shy look and followed Carlos to put the books down on the kitchen table. He gave the same look to Kendall, who did a dramatic bow as the boy passed.

"I'm gonna go," Kendall said smartly, making his way quickly past James and to the door.

"Hey! Kenny!" Carlos called.

"Only my grandma's allowed to call me that. I prefer either Kendall or shitface. Either or," Kendall called back smartly.

"Hey! Shitface!" Carlos called again. Kendall opened the door and turned. "Text me and we'll set something up for tomorrow."

Kendall internally groaned. He forgot about that. He nodded a little and left in his damp clothes.

* * *

James watched blankly as Logan pointed to all the books and read the huge list of assignments he had written on a sheet of notebook paper. Carlos listened carefully, because he knew James wasn't.

"It'll be hard, but you've got til the twenty third. That's three weeks, and I can come over and help you. And you don't have to do ALL of it. I made an 'optional' list for you, see? So subtract the late-work deduction and those missing assignments and some that you might get wrong, you can still pass with a D average. If you're up for it, I'll make sure it happens."

James looked at Logan in amazement. This boy, who explained all of this and took so much time to organize this system, was dead serious. His black eyes were up on James, expectant.

"I'm not gonna do all that," James finally said.

"Oh yes you are," Carlos intercepted. Logan's head flashed to Carlos, then back up at James.

"Why not?"

"Cause I don't need to. That's entirely too much work."

"But if you don't, you won't graduate. Then what if you decide you regret that in the future? You'll have to get your GED. And-"

"I'm dropping out."

"But you're so close," Logan said, eyes confused.

"See? He's so right! Open your eyes, James! THREE WEEKS, then we're graduated. Why would you quit now? I'm not gonna let you." Carlos said seriously.

"Look, I'll come over every night to help you out. This is easy stuff for me, and I bet you're a smart guy. We can get it done in a breeze- no problem," Logan reasoned.

James sighed and rolled his eyes.

"I'm gonna get you the audio tape for this," Carlos said, picking up the copy of "The Great Gatsby" that James was supposed to have read.

* * *

Kendall kissed his mother's cheek in greeting as he sat to eat with she and Katie. He dug the envelope from his wet pocket and slid it across the table to her. It was four-hundred dollars, which he basically got paid for doing nothing.

His mother smiled and looked into it. He loved these nights, when he turned in his pay and his mother just looked so proud. And like usual, she took out a twenty from the total and handed it to him for his own personal use. It was the only negotiation she could work out with him: he wanted it all to go toward the family, but Mrs. Knight didn't think it was fair to take all of her son's hard-earned money, so she gave him twenty- the highest he would negotiate to.

"I'm going to hang out with Carlos Garcia tomorrow," Kendall said, digging into his pizza.

"I know him. He's really nice- he told me that my hair was pretty this one time," Katie noted.

"He IS really nice. Friends with everyone," Kendall agreed.

His mother gave him another proud look and nodded.

"And I think I sort of made up with James Diamond," Kendall added.

"Why? What's going on? Why are you suddenly trying to make friends?" Katie asked suspiciously. Kendall and his mother locked eyes and he dropped his. They dared not say a word to Katie about the possibility of Kendall going to a mental hospital. She was only twelve and looked up to Kendall like crazy- it would destroy her.

"No reason," Kendall smiled a little. Katie was a very tough cookie, but Kendall was the number one thing in her life, and they weren't sure she could take even the slightest chance of him leaving her. She was very close with her mother, but still grieved a lot about Mr. Knight's passing. Of course she did- she was only fourteen when it happened, and that was a fragile time in a young girl's life. But somehow to her, the thought of her beloved big brother leaving forever seemed hundreds of times worse than he father's death. Even if he was only gone for a few days.

* * *

It wasn't until Kendall was in his car, ready to drive to James', where he was meeting Carlos, that Kendall realized that he hadn't "hung out" with anyone for months. He started up the old "Trusty Rusty"- an old red and rusted Mustang- and pulled out of the driveway. He could have walked, but it was a hot day and he wasn't up for sweating.

He had to admit, he was a little nervous. He knew that Carlos wouldn't judge him and would understand what Kendall was going through, but he WAS. He hated to think that it was because he didn't want to be rejected.

But, to Kendall, it was all worth it. He had been to the mental hospital once in fourth grade, because he was apparently writing "dark and scary" poems in class. He only spent a day there, but that was enough. It was cold there. It was white there. It was sad there. He couldn't wear or interact with anything even remotely sharp or potentially dangerous. He had to talk about his feelings. His roommate was schizophrenic. He was in FOURTH GRADE, for God's sake. Being so young, it scarred him more than the older people there. Especially since he didn't belong there- he was only writing the dark poems because that's what most poems he read was about.

No, he didn't want to go back there. Even now, at eighteen, when he might actually need to be there, the thought scared him to death. So maybe hanging out with Carlos Garcia for a few hours was worth it.

* * *

**Thank you guys for your support and reviews. :)**

**Oh, and I just wanted to throw a little mini-story in here, too. Today was my sister's public wedding for family at my house- like, she and her wife were already married, but this one was just for show. So at the reception, I requested BTR to the DJ, but he didn't have them and asked if I had a CD. Of course I did and I brought it to him, and he fricking played Crazy For U! Me and my little brother just danced and sang the whole song, but everyone else just kinda stood there and talked. I was excited.**


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, man. C'min really quick," Carlos said, stepping back and letting Kendall into James' house. Kendall reluctantly entered and followed Carlos to the kitchen, where he saw James was doing math.

"I don't know what else to say to make you get it," Logan said frantically, face creased with concern.

"Pre-Cal? Easy shit," Kendall said, a hand on the table as he leaned over James' shoulder to look. "You just add that to that, then subtract that, and divide that, square that, then you plug it in and boom. Got it."

"Not helping," James said impatiently.

Logan sighed and rubbed his eyes with his thumbs. He felt Carlos pat his shoulder as he chuckled.

"He's got a thick skull- you just have to find a way into it," the Latino laughed.

"I guess," Logan said.

"How about you take a break? We could go swimming," Carlos suggested to James and Logan.

"I thought we were gonna go somewhere," Kendall intercepted, not wanting to stay here.

"Just my house. But it's lame there. We can party here!"

"I don't have swimming trunks," Logan said, shaking his head.

"I have a few pairs here that I bet could fit you. Once you get past the fact that I wore them," Carlos giggled, Logan giving a crooked smile before setting his pencil down.

"Or he could just swim in his shorts and you could give him dry ones," James suggested.

"NOW you use your brain," Logan teased.

"I don't have trunks, either. I hate swimming anyways," Kendall said darkly.

"James has like- MILLIONS of pairs of brand-new trunks you can wear," Carlos said with a wave. "C'mon! Vamenos!"

* * *

Carlos had already dived into the water, which was still cold from the winter, and was trying to coax Logan in. Logan had been smart and dipped a toe in first, finding the temperature to be too cold for his liking. Kendall sat, hugging his knees, on the tanning chair that James had used, absently twiddling his thumbs in the black trunks. He was a bit self-conscious about his body around James- the body-builder superhero. It made him feel a bit better that Carlos wasn't muscular, either, and that Logan was actually a little bit tubby, but in an innocent and cute way.

The day was perfect for swimming. The trim green grass, which WASN'T cobblestone like around the pool and the patio, was rustling slightly in the breeze. Rusty laid with his head on his massive paws, watching. It was in the mid-nineties in temperature, although the water was only in the sixties. The sky was clear and the sun blazed.

"It's cold. Kendall, you did this!" Carlos called. "You and your pool-care black magic!"

"Nature did this," Kendall smirked. "But trust me, if I had that power, I'da done it."

"I don't think you're supposed to swim until like- mid-June, anyways," Logan reasoned.

"Don't be a pussy, Logan! Jump!"

"How about I just sit here and put my legs in? Will that make you happy?"

Logan slowly sank to the pool-side beside James, his legs hesitantly dipping into the freezing water. Huge mistake. Carlos was a nice guy, but he loved swimming, and sometimes got a little wild.

The Latino gripped Logan's ankles and Logan immediately realized his mistake in trusting Carlos. He squeaked and tried to get away, but it was too late. He had already been pulled in and was beneath the water. He came sputtering to the surface, feeling like a cat in water, and going stiff.

"You. Dick," he said tightly.

"Did he just say 'dick'?" James laughed, sitting on the edge of the pool in just trunks and his Aviators.

"Why don't you pull HIM in?" Logan demanded.

"Cause he knows I'll kick his ass," James snorted.

"And I'd have to pay, like, thousands of dollars to replace his hearing aids."

"Hearing aids?" Logan asked, puzzled.

"Oh, his hearing's been going since he was a kid," Carlos waved. "He had to take his aids out to swim. Somehow Mrs. Diamond couldn't get waterproof ones, but whatever."

Logan nodded knowingly, watching James sprint in his dry trunks across the yard to a big container. He opened it and retrieved a volleyball, hitting it to Carlos happily, who caught it.

James stopped in front of Kendall and stared. Kendall was silent, a bit irritable.

"Swim," James demanded.

"No. YOU swim," Kendall snapped, although he had eavesdropped and knew about his aids. Why did they even HAVE a pool?

James tried pulling Kendall up by his elbow, but with no avail. And so James finally just picked the boy up bridal style.

"NO! STOP! THE HELL'RE YOU DOING?" Kendall squeaked, trying to escape. He was surprised that this was so easy for James. James stopped in front of the pool and flinched like he was going to dump Kendall in, but didn't. This caused Kendall to wrap his arms in a death-grip around James' neck, looking horrified at the water. He knew that it was a mere sixty-four degrees in there, and that wasn't something he wanted to be submerged in.

James laughed and returned Kendall to his feet. Kendall let out a breath of relief and straightening himself, only to be shoved roughly from the side.

"NO!" Kendall screamed as he was launched into the water. He came to the surface, pushing hair from his face and looking furiously up at the bone-dry James, who was dying of laughter. An adorable, jingling laugh, which made the boy double over and almost fall to his ass.

"Awe, is your mascara running?" Logan asked good-naturedly. He jumped and hid behind Carlos when Kendall shot him a look to kill before climbing up into an expensive blow-up float.

"Mascara is for girls. I only wear eyeliner and a hint of eye shimmer, with a tiny bit of blush to accentuate my cheekbones," Kendall said, sounding dead serious, making everyone but James doubt his credibility. James, however, who was now sitting on the edge of the pool, fell to his back in fits of laughter. "This guy gets it," Kendall said coolly, jabbing a thumb at James.

Carlos laughed uneasily and retrieved the ball from where it was floating in the water.

"So. Logan. Tell us your story," James said casually as Carlos and Logan tapped the ball back and forth, Kendall curled up and shivering slightly on the float.

"Yeah, Logiebear. Tell us your story," Kendall lisped in a high voice, supporting his chin on the arm of the blow-up float in mock interest.

"What story?" Logan laughed sarcastically. "I was born here and have never been outta here."

"How did you get smart, growing up HERE?" Carlos laughed.

"Well my mom's a realtor and my dad's an architect-"

"So you've gotta be a rich bitch, too, right?" Carlos asked.

"Yeah, I guess so. But I don't really care. My parents are divorced now- I live with my dad and don't see much of my mom, but I see her every other weekend. So anyways, dad could always help me with homework and sometimes he'd teach me math. I knew Algebra by the time I was in fourth grade. And I guess I'm just good at the whole… SCHOOL thing," Logan shrugged. "What about you?" he asked Carlos.

"I've lived here since I've been going to school. My dad's a cop and my mom's just- Mom. She had to raise four stupid boys, so that's enough for her, I guess."

"FOUR?" Logan asked, shocked.

"Yeah. Antonio, or Tony, Javi, and Andres. I'm the baby. The only one that's still living at home."

"That's why he's so nice. He's a Mama's boy," James teased. "Treat others the way you want to be treated, Sugar Pie," he mocked in Carlos' mother's voice.

"Okay, she doesn't call me Sugar Pie, for the record," Carlos laughed.

"So what about you, Jamie?" Kendall asked in the same girly voice he had used before. "How come you're a rich bitch who can't hear anything?"

James should have been offended, and was a little bit, but didn't show it.

"My hearing's been shit since forever, and finally it got so bad that I had to get a hearing aid. Now if I don't have them in I can only hear, like, a faint idea of who's talking. As for the money, my mom owns Brooke Diamond Cosmetics, and SHE'S the rich bitch. But I'm her 'baby', yaddah yaddah, and when she started getting successful then she wasn't home a lot. So she built this huge ass house- well, SHE didn't. You get it. Anyways, she bought all the shit that's in there to make up for her being gone, cause I was young and a Mama's boy and I kinda got depressed that she wasn't there. She also got me a dog. And now I'm here alone all the time- she's only home a few days a month, tops. Which is okay, I guess, cause I can have friends over any time and do whatever I want."

"Um… So I dunno if you don't like to talk about it, but… Your dad?" Logan asked.

"Oh, he's a bastard. I guess I don't know him PERSONALLY, but my mom told me he was. I saw pictures of them as 'high school sweethearts' and he looked just like I do. I was born and he stuck around for a while, but not long enough for me to remember much. And he left. I have no idea where he is now, or even if he's alive. But that's okay, I guess," James shrugged.

"Kendall?" Logan asked cheerfully. Kendall stared daggers at the boy, and Logan blushed and looked away.

"Yeah, Kendall. Tell us about YOU," Carlos said.

"I'm a serial killer. I've been in prison six times in the long eighteen years I've been alive," Kendall said darkly.

"C'mon, man. For real," James said.

"There's nothing to say," Kendall growled. "Mom's on disability, Dad's dead, Katie's young, and I have to keep the roof over their heads and food on the table. That's it."

The boys were silent, avoiding Kendall's eyes. Kendall scowled and looked away. Damn them. Making him say all that. He had never told anyone about that directly. Much less these three assholes who he barely knew.

"Well… You're doing a good job," Carlos offered.

"Yeah… You're still sane. I think," Logan offered, too.

"Bull shit. Is 'sane' what you call wanting to kill yourself every night, but not being able to, cause where did that leave Mom and Katie? Is sane only hanging out with you here in this pool to keep yourself out of the mental hospital, cause that was the deal? No."

More silence.

"I'm going home," Kendall grumbled, pulling himself to the edge of the pool and climbing out.

"No!" Carlos pleaded as Kendall pulled his shirt on over his head. Kendall was making his way to the gate when a strong hand closed around his wrist and jerked him back.

He was ready to fight as he whirled around, but soft hazel eyes met his, cooling the fire a little. James had pushed his sunglasses up to rest in his long hair.

"Don't go. Please? I can't tell you how excited Carlos was for today, and he's at the verge of tears right now," James murmured. Kendall looked over James' shoulder to see that Carlos really was just over there, staring into the water, Logan patting his shoulder comfortingly.

"I don't want to talk about that anymore," Kendall said, somehow finding confidence and safety in James.

"Nobody's gonna make you," James assured. "You can just sit there in the float and eavesdrop if you want. Just stay."

Kendall was silent, and James took that as a green light. He put a muscly arm over Kendall's shoulders and pulled him back toward the pool, returning his sunglasses to his nose. Kendall hated the way his heart seemed to skip a beat. No guy had ever gotten this handsy with him, and it seemed to be a trend with James' and Carlos' friendliness.

Kendall slowly got back into the float and James on the side of the pool, and Carlos grinned happily.

"So James," Logan started as he and Carlos bumped the ball back and forth again. "I never see you around with girls."

"They all think he's dating Carlos, so they stay away," Kendall said flatly. James shot him a look, but shrugged.

"It's not you guys aren't ATTRACTIVE. You've gotta get hit on sometimes, right?" Logan asked before thinking. All eyes turned to him, brows raised, and Logan blushed.

"Who needs girls to hit on them when they've got Logan around?" Carlos giggled.

"Can we start over? I didn't mean to sound weird."

"It's fine, man. We're all sexy beasts, I'll admit it, too," Carlos winked, taking a bit of the blush from Logan's face and getting Logan to hit the ball back. "I guess the girls really do think James and I are gay. Maybe cause I'm so friendly to girls and I'm always around James."

"What about you?" James asked, splashing Kendall with a swift kick. "How come none of the dark and mysterious girls go for you?"

"Girls are stupid," Kendall shrugged, hugging his knees. "Simple as that."

"He likes to be the one to wear the makeup in the relationship," Carlos laughed, Kendall reaching out a wet hand to shove Carlos' head playfully.

"Would you shut up about the makeup?"

"But why do you wear it?" Carlos asked. "No offense. Just a question."

"Why does it matter why I do it?" Kendall growled.

"I just think it's something we should know if we're gonna be your buddies. C'mon- I'm Carlos. Tell me!"

Kendall looked around at Logan and James like a trapped animal, but sighed, looking away. When it was obvious Kendall had closed up and wasn't going to answer, James spoke.

"I think it looks good on him. It makes the color of his eyes pop," he said smartly. "I know I couldn't pull off eyeliner."

Kendall smirked a little, fighting the blush coming on.

"Yeah. He is pretty sexy, eh, Logan?" Carlos joked, and Logan went red again. "I'm kidding! Guys, I'm just dickin' around! I love you guys just the way you are!"

"Oh, Cah-los! You sweetie-pie, you!" Kendall tweeted in a dramatic Southern-Belle accent. His face fell serious and he rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious. You can make fun if you want, but I am. Like, we're all so different. James is the pretty boy who fixes my fuck-ups, I'm the silly one who's secretly a saint, Logan's the smart and innocent one, and Kendall's dark and mysterious and knows how to make people laugh. We're perfect."

"Yeah, well, don't get too attached," Kendall grumbled.

"Why?" James asked.

"Cause I don't like being FRIENDS with people."

"Why?"

"Because I don't like hanging out with them."

"Why?"

"Why do you keep asking me that? Shut up!" Kendall hissed, making James smirk. It was obvious that Kendall had closed up again.

Carlos accidentally hit the ball out of the pool and to the corner of the fence.

"I got it!" Carlos called.

"I'm closer. I'll get it," Logan reasoned as they both made their ways to the steps.

"No! ME!"

"Carlos!"

"Logan!"

Soon they were both running after the ball. Kendall watched in disgusted as Carlos tripped in the grass and Logan ran on, retrieving the ball. Logan stood above Carlos, a foot on either side of him, with the ball in his hands.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked, eyes wide.

"My arm- it's broken!" Carlos groaned.

"Really? Oh my God!"

Carlos laughed and made to jerk Logan's trunks down, but Logan was quicker and he managed to save them from falling. Carlos snatched the ball and slipped away, laughing as Logan chased him, yelling something about unfair game and Carlos cheating.

Kendall made a gagging noise and rolled his eyes at James.

"Think Logan's gay?" James asked thoughtfully, watching his friends.

"Probably."

"No, I'm serious. Like- not just what he said about us being attractive. He just acts… Different."

"Different like how?" Kendall asked suddenly interested. James cocked a brow at him, but let it go immediately.

"I dunno, man. He just does. Like, if he wasn't, would he be so hardcore flirting with Carlos right now?"

"Carlos flirts back."

"No way! He's always like that- he's just being nice like always."

Kendall noted how quick James was to deny the theory… He wasn't sure what it meant.

They were silent for a while until finally James smiled over at Kendall.

"Wanna stay the night?" he asked.

"I should get home to Mom and Katie," Kendall said, shaking his head doubtfully. He knew they would be fine without him, and Mom would be so happy to hear that he would be staying the night with his new "friends", so she would call them, but he wasn't sure he wanted to.

"Oh…" James nodded, seeming a little let down. "That's okay, I guess."

Kendall nodded, actually, for once, feeling bad. Why did James make him feel guilty all the time?

"But… If there's pizza involved… Maybe I can stay a while," he gave in. James' eyes lit up and he grinned.

"There's ALWAYS pizza involved."

* * *

Kendall sat, curled up, as usual, on the end of the couch, nibbling on the slice of pizza he was given. The others were scarfing theirs down, even Logan, but Kendall saw no point in that.

"What, do you not like this kind of pizza?" James asked when he noticed the small bites that Kendall was taking. He looked so let down- so set on making Kendall happy.

"No, it's good. I just-"

"He prefers blood. What, B positive?" Logan smiled. It was a good-natured smile, but still he dropped it and cowered behind Carlos when Kendall shot him a look.

"I like A positive, thank you very much," Kendall said smartly, then turned back to James. "He hit the nail right on the head."

James smiled and waited until Logan and Carlos were in their own little world again before he leaned in close to Kendall, a serious expression on his face.

"Is it cause you're nervous?" James asked.

"Why would I be nervous?"

"I dunno," James shrugged, letting the subject go. "Why do you always sit like that?"

"Why do you always ask me questions?" Kendall snapped. James cocked a brow, not at all affected by Kendall the way Logan and sometimes Carlos were. Kendall wasn't used to the person he snapped at not backing away and looking afraid, and he scowled and looked away.

"I just wanna understand you," James said simply.

"There's nothing to understand, so just drop it."

James' mouth snapped closed, not wanting to push Kendall too far. He nodded a little and so did Kendall.

James looked away, scolding. What was this guy's frickin' PROBLEM?

"Hey, Logan! Wanna stay the night? We can cuddle, I know how much you like that," Carlos teased, shouldering Logan from where they sat on the floor in front of the TV, which was playing some irrelevant show.

"Shut up, Carlos. I think you're the one who wants to cuddle," Logan shot back good-naturedly, a bit of a blush arising on his cheeks. "But I'll risk it. If it's okay with James."

"Eh- James'll be too busy cuddling with Kendall," Carlos joked, winking at James.

"I'm gonna fucking kill your family, Carlos," Kendall said darkly.

Carlos seemed to go a little pale and his dark eyes turned to James for protection. But James was laughing too hard to notice.

"You're kidding, right? I don't know you well enough to get your humor," Carlos said nervously.

"I dunno. AM I kidding?"

"James, make him stop," Carlos pleaded.

"I thought you wanted to be my 'bro', Carlos. What ever happened to that?" Kendall asked smartly.

"I do! But you have to stop being so fricking scary!"

Kendall smirked and was punched lightly in the shoulder, turning his attention to James, beside him on the couch.

"Will you stay the night? We can play video games for ever," James offered.

"I should get home," Kendall said flatly.

"No freaking way! I want you here so that we can make sure you don't sneak out and kill my family!" Carlos squeaked, making Kendall shoot him a look.

"We'll tie him up and gag him. Make sure he doesn't go anywhere," James said slyly.

"That sounds very sexual. I'm not sure I'm okay with that," Kendall said seriously, but James knew he was kidding.

"It's VERY sexual," James laughed. "So you're in?"

"No way. But I'll stay a little longer," Kendall said, which seemed to satisfy everyone.

Over the next hour, they played some violent video games, like teen boys tend to do. Kendall was forced to stop playing because he got so angry at the game and threatened Carlos a lot. James thought Carlos' growing fear of Kendall was hilarious, but Carlos wouldn't put up with it and made Kendall sit aside.

As they played on the floor before the TV, James noticed how quiet Kendall was being on the couch. He was about to say something about Kendall being bored and permitting him to go skinny-dipping (jokingly of course), but was surprised to see Kendall asleep. He was curled up on the couch, head resting on the arm of the chair and cheek on the back cushion.

When they decided to go upstairs at last, when it was early morning, James carried Kendall up bridal-style.

"Don't keep him up too late, Logan. He's like a kid- he needs his sleep or else he has to take a long nap tomorrow afternoon," James smirked as he turned into his bedroom, Carlos and Logan continuing to the guest room next door.

"I'm pooped. If anything he'll keep ME up," Logan assured, following Carlos into the room and leaving the door open.

After about ten minutes, the lights were off and Logan was laying on the raised trundle bed, Carlos in the guest bed.

"Sorry, dude. I know you wanted to cuddle," Carlos joked. Logan curled into his blanket, nose buried in it. Something had been nagging at him, but GOD he didn't want to let it out. "Wassa matter, man? You're quiet. Are you asleep?"

"No."

"Sorry. I'll let you sleep."

Logan was silent, staring into the darkness. He shouldn't be afraid to talk to Carlos about this. Of anyone, his secret was safest with Carlos. And this boy would understand and accept him. Probably. But what if he didn't?

"Carlos?"

"Hm?"

"I really am gay."

Carlos was silent, and immediately Logan's mind flew. He knew that Carlos didn't accept him, judging by the silence. Of COURSE he wouldn't! He joked around about his friends being gay all the time! That's not accepting!

"I've never told anyone before. I don't think I've ever even admitted it to myself," Logan said quietly. More silence. "Carlos? Are you asleep? Did you hear me?"

"I'm awake. Sorry I joked around about it- I didn't think you were, and so I thought it was okay to make fun."

"It's okay."

"But hey. Gay is okay."

Logan was silent.

"I have this theory. That if you're emotionally, mentally, and physically compatible with someone and you spend enough time with them, you can fall in love with anyone. Anyone at all. And hey, if your soul mate is a dude, and if you meet him and he makes you happier than a chick ever would, do it. Everyone deserves love. And if anyone tells you different, I'll sic my James on them."

Logan laughed a little, relieved and touched.

"Thanks. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is for someone to know."

"I'm here for you, dude. Don't ever be scared of yourself or your sexuality. These are your golden years, and you can't waste time being angsty and unhappy. You're young and you can do anything you want."

"I never thought of it that way."

"People like to think I'm stupid. But someday everyone will realize that I'm deeper than they think, and I use my brain all the time, believe it or not."

"I believe it."

Carlos smiled a little through the dark, face lit a little by the TV.

"I think I'm gonna turn the TV off," Logan said, making to get up.

"No!"

"Why?"

"Cause then it'll be dark," Carlos said innocently. "And truth time- I'm scared of the dark. Big woop."

Logan laughed and laid back down.

* * *

James washed his face and changed in the bathroom. He had taken Kendall's phone and sent Katie a text saying that Kendall was staying the night, and she said okay.

Now Kendall was asleep in James' bed when James returned, in jeans and a t-shirt, peacefully sprawled out. James decided that blowing up the air mattress would mean waking Kendall up with the noise, so he quietly laid a blanket on the carpet and laid down, lights off.

"Fuck!" The grunt cut through the silence after James settled into his little bed, a foot landing in his ribs and Kendall's weight crushed him. The blonde went down, crashing to the floor, but practically bounced back up.

"What the hell?" James wheezed, sitting up and holding his ribs. It was a surprise, considering he was almost asleep when it happened.

Kendall felt around the wall and finally the lights flickered on.

"You stepped on me, asshole!" James said weakly.

"I have to go. Bye!"

"I texted Katie and told her you were staying here," James said, getting his breath back.

"You did WHAT?"

"You fell asleep on the couch and so I carried you up here and-"

"You CARRIED me up here?"

"And I texted Katie from your phone and-"

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

"I didn't look through it or anything, I swear! And she said she told your mom and that it was okay. I would have woken you up if it wasn't okay by your mom," James said quickly, not wanting to be interrupted again.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you!" Kendall hissed, making to storm out of the room.

"Kendall! The cops are probably out now, cause it's three AM on a weekend. You'll get caught and who knows what they'll do? Just come and lay down, and you can leave in the morning."

Kendall froze.

"Cops?"

"Yeah. They're the neighborhood watch. Los and I almost got caught once at this time of night. We were in a car and everything."

Kendall reluctantly closed the door and turned off the lights.

Kendall, without even offering to trade places, plopped into the bed again and snuggled into the blankets. It was warm and soft and smelled like James.

"I think you broke my ribs," James grumbled, laying down, too.

"I didn't know you were there. I didn't even know where I was, did you expect me to know where YOU were?"

"Whatever. Sleep."

All was silent, and James was almost asleep when he was jerked from unconsciousness AGAIN by Kendall.

"Why are you so nice to me? I mean, Carlos is, too, but he's scared of me. Like everyone else. Even my mom is sometimes. Why aren't you?" Kendall asked softly.

"For one, I'm bigger than you and I work out," James laughed a little, rubbing his sleepy eyes. "And cause I don't think you're scary. You act like you are, and I guess it works for other people like Carlos and Logan, but I know you're hiding."

"SHUT UP!" Kendall suddenly burst, rolling over and propping himself up on an elbow to stare down at James through the darkness, the only light coming in dimly through the window from the streetlamp in front of the next house over. "You don't know me!"

James' eyes flickered to Kendall's, offended instead of fearful.

"Yeah, I DON'T know you. But I know that you were at least a little concerned about my broken ribs just now. And I guess that shows that you care about things more than you lead on. Or maybe you just care about ME."

"Fuck you." Kendall laid back down, staring angrily at the ceiling.

"Kendall, you're such a cool guy, and I like you. But you're an asshole. Stop it."

Kendall was silent, taken aback.

"I tell that to Carlos sometimes, too. When he's being an asshole. And I'll say it to Logan when we become closer. And they'll do the same to me. It's my duty as a friend to keep you in check, and-"

"FRIEND? Is that what you think you are?"

"Yeah, Kendall. It is," James snapped back.

"No. We're AQUAINTANCES. That's it."

"Why are you so afraid of people CARING?"

"Because it's all an act! Nobody cares about me like they act like they do!"

"Fuck you!" James retorted, sitting up and staring at Kendall's profile. "Carlos has worked so hard to make you feel like part of the group, to make you feel like you have someone in your dark, twisted-ass world, and you think he's ACTING. NO! He's not an asshole like you, and I'm not either. So STOP PUSHING HIM AWAY!"

"I'm going home," Kendall growled, getting up, stepping between James' legs out of pure luck on James' part, and storming toward the door. But James was up immediately, pulling him back and pinning him against the wall. He noticed that Kendall didn't appear afraid at all. Just angry.

"If you don't let me be your friend, then you'll be alone. I thought that MAYBE, if Carlos was too 'nice' for you, I'd be sufficient, but-"

"Jackass use big word!" Kendall said in mock awe, but immediately shut up as James' jaw set angrily.

"WHY are you so afraid to let me be your FRIEND? STOP PUSHING ME AWAY!"

"Because with every friend comes heartbreak. Friends move, friends change, friends start hating you because you changed, friends sometimes aren't there for you when you need them, friends get creeped out by you, friends DIE. I wanna spare myself," Kendall said strongly. James' brows shot up and he stepped back.

Kendall fell silent, his anger immediately subsiding.

"You're a nice guy, James… But that's what makes it the worst. I need you out of my face and to leave me alone," Kendall said quietly.

"I'm not gonna do it," James said simply, looking Kendall in the eyes.

"I'm not your charity case," Kendall said, dropping his eyes.

"No, but I see so much potential for an awesome guy in you. I know that this isn't what you wanna hear, but I know you've changed since your dad died. And I think what you need in order to get over that is a friend. Just one."

"You don't know anything about that. Stop it."

"You're hurt, and you're hiding behind that hard-ass appearance so that nobody sees. But I see. So let me in so I can help you.

"I've got so much more going on than you think," Kendall said softly. They were both surprised at how deep James was being in his speech.

"Then tell me about it. We can talk until the sun comes up and you can go home if you want."

"If I told you, you'd wanna admit me like my mom does. To the hospital."

Seeing that Kendall was fragile, but out of his shell, James chose his words carefully.

"I probably won't understand what you could tell me, but I could listen. And sometimes that's all you need."

Kendall was once again taken aback. Nobody ever talked so calmly to him. So straight-forward. Most people were so cautious with him, like he was a bomb about to explode. But James didn't do that. Nobody ever said such serious things to him, either. And he never knew James could be so poetic.

"You could sing me some songs. I can sing, too. You could teach me some."

"No. Music- I don't do music anymore," Kendall said, suddenly defensive.

"Okay. Okay, no music. Please? We can start with just…" James racked his brain for something to get Kendall to hang out with him under normal circumstances. His eyes fell on the book, "The Great Gatsby", on the floor. "You can come over every day after school and read to me. 'The Great Gatsby'. I hate reading."

Kendall was about to actually SMILE and say something cheesy like "I'd like that," and maybe there would be a slow lean-in and a romantic first-kiss in the darkness.

NO!

Suddenly Kendall had whirled around and was out the door before James could comprehend. James didn't argue. He just let him go, knowing that he although Kendall had gone back into hiding, James had put crack in his protective shell. And the cops outside? They wouldn't care that he was out. Kendall was a legal adult and was in a car. He wasn't worried.


	5. Chapter 5

Kendall stared at the picture before him as he laid in his bed. It was late- midnight-ish- on a Wednesday. The only time he ever looked at pictures was late at night.

It was a simple picture of Kendall and his father fishing, just after his father was diagnosed with cancer. Kendall was oblivious then. His father had been waiting for the right time to tell him, and was just enjoying life.

Yes, they were so happy then. In the picture, the two men's matching caramel green eyes were smiling, faces bright, Kendall holding up a huge bass that he caught with his father's help. His hair was much shorter then, his eyes barren of makeup, his eyes and soul clean and happy. His father, who looked a lot like him, except with short and slightly silver hair and a few wrinkles, was grinning, his arm over his beloved son's shoulders. Carson Knight was nowhere near old enough to die. He was only in his early forties, but you would never know it. You might have thought that he was Kendall's older brother.

Kendall sniffled and let the tear that escaped his eye drip from his face. This was why he hated looking at pictures, and only did it late at night when everyone was asleep and all he could do was miss his dad. Late at night, Kendall could let it all out. He could let sobs escape, he could let tears flow, he could do anything. And nobody would know about it.

Sometimes he thought about just ending it all… Be reunited with his father…

But something stopped him from thinking too deeply about it anymore. Why did he keep thinking about James? James meant nothing to him… So why did the thought of going to the huge Diamond house every Friday to clean the pool so exciting to him?

If anything, Kendall hated James. For this specific reason: he was perfect in every way. His hazel eyes, his perfect teeth, his tan skin, his amazing muscles, his soft and swooshy hair, his adorable laugh, his nice-enough personality, his HAPPINESS. It all awakened what Kendall worked hard to keep asleep. Those god-damned-mother-fucking-homosexual-thoughts, which scared Kendall to no end and made him shame himself for even letting them cross his mind. Not that he was afraid of not being accepted. Because he knew that… He wasn't gay! That's what he always told himself anyway.

As if on cue, his phone rang. JAMES. Why the hell was he calling NOW? It was midnight!

"Hello?" he answered blandly, his voice nasally from crying. But, like a champ, James said nothing about it.

"Hey. Will you come over tomorrow night?"

"Do you know what time it is?" Kendall grumbled, wiping tears away although he knew James would never know they were there.

"Sorry- were you asleep?" James asked timidly.

"No. And I'm not going over there."

"Please? I have this book I need to read by Monday and it's really boring and I want you to read it to me."

"Get Carlos or Logan to do it," Kendall demanded.

"No! Carlos can't read aloud worth shit and Logan… I don't think I'm comfortable enough around him to be alone yet, you know? He's still new to me."

"And I'm not?"

"You are. But you're less awkward to be around, I guess. I just feel so… SMALL around him. I guess it's cause he's so smart."

"Gee, thanks. Asshole."

"No, not that you're not smart. I'm just comfortable around you. Please?"

"Fine. Whatever."

"Yay!"

"Please stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Being CHEERFUL."

"So tomorrow after school? I can drive us."

"Okay."

Kendall hung up before even waiting for James to speak anymore, tossing his cell phone through the darkness, putting the picture back beneath his bed, and rolling over.

Maybe hanging out with James alone would be good. James wasn't overbearing like Carlos was, and Kendall probably needed to have a friend pretty soon. James was an okay guy… Once Kendall got past the thoughts. If anything, it gets Kendall out of a long bus ride, where he got poked by kids and giggled at, which he couldn't hear through his earphones. He WOULD drive himself every day, but he thought it was dumb to waste money on gas if he didn't have to.

* * *

"Hey," James said cheerfully, leaning against the locker beside the one above Kendall's, backpack slung over his shoulder.

Kendall stood and put on his own backpack.

"Ready?" James asked.

"I guess," Kendall grumbled. James nodded and wheeled around, leading Kendall away. He turned, a strange expression on his face.

"Coming?"

"I'm right here."

"Come walk WITH me," James said, slowing down to be beside Kendall.

James took out a keychain beeper from his pocket and hit the unlock button a few times. Kendall expected no less than what beeped in response- a shiny, expensive looking, very sleek red car. It matched James perfectly in personality as James tossed his backpack into the back seat and hopped into the driver's seat. Kendall reluctantly opened his door, which made a satisfying popping sound and swung open easily.

He wasn't at all surprised at the smooth tan leather seats, expensive stereo, and sun roof.

"Damn," Kendall grumbled, settling into the seat and closing the door.

James smirked as he started the car. Bruno Mars immediately started singing about "treasures", in the midst of his song on the radio, as James opened the windows and sun roof.

"Yeah- it's cool, right? Care if we have the windows down? I like the breeze."

"Not that you waited for my response anyway," Kendall grumped, resting his elbow on the windowsill and clamped his fingers on the roof. The clean, sleek car was very different from Kendall's rust-mobile, which was filled with garbage and CD cases.

James nodded and flipped on his Aviators, checking his hair in the mirror before backing out of his parking space. His muscular forearm laid across the windowsill, the little hairs blowing in the air current. A few kids in the parking lot gave the car a strange look- a car that contained both the "pretty boy" and the "emo kid".

Kendall's head fell back against the headrest as they started driving. He breathed in the fresh Minnesota air, eyes closed, listening as James sang along to the radio- not at all self conscious. Carlos had mentioned that James was a great singer and Kendall had to agree. Although James was sort of just mumbling to himself as he drove, he was still good.

"Do you sing, Kendall?" James asked in the midst of one song.

Kendall didn't answer.

"Were you good?"

Kendall shrugged indifferently, opening his eyes and picking his head up to look at James, who had seemed to drop the subject. He liked that about James- he seemed to know what Kendall was getting tense and simply didn't press on.

"Yeah- I took lessons as a kid, but I didn't like them," James said, not pushing Kendall to talk about himself, since he obviously didn't like it. Kendall was silent. "I tried learning guitar, though, cause my mom used to play and so she has a few laying around. But it was hard and so I quit. I guess I'da looked like a poser anyway, eh?"

Kendall shrugged.

"Maybe you would have liked it," Kendall said.

"Maybe. I played trombone for a while in middle school, but I could never learn to read music, so I quit that, too." Kendall was surprised that James said nothing about why Kendall quit singing and playing guitar.

"What HAVEN'T you quit?"

"Not school," James said proudly.

"But you were going to."

"Do you think you're going to college?" James asked simply. "I mean- it's cool if you don't know or whatever, but-"

"I wanna be an engineer."

"Is that someone who drives a train?"

"No. It's someone who does a lot of math and builds stuff," Kendall said. It took James by surprise when he didn't call him stupid or even hesitate. He couldn't help but notice that Kendall was slowly opening up.

"What makes you want to do that? Math is hard."

"I'm pretty good at it. And it makes good money, too."

The car was silent, save the radio. Kendall, for the first time in a long time, felt engaged in a conversation.

"What about you?" Kendall asked. James' brows raised and he glanced at Kendall.

"I'm gonna be a model for my mom's makeup company," he answered.

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Is that what you WANT to do?"

"Of course."

"IS it?"

James sighed reluctantly.

"I guess not."

"Then what?" Kendall asked.

"I dunno. Never thought about it. I guess I'm interested in dogs. Maybe I'd be into dog training- like for cops and stuff. Los' dad is a cop, I bet he could hook me up."

Kendall nodded thoughtfully.

"You're not being mean," James noted. Kendall crossed his arms, gazing out the window defensively. "Well, I mean NORMALLY you're making smart comments or shooting people down."

"I'm just tired," Kendall grumbled, only half lying. "It takes a lot of energy to be an asshole, which I don't have right now."

"I won't keep you too long, then," James said reassuringly.

Kendall found himself not caring if he was kept long or not.

"Why the fuck are you the only person on this earth that doesn't annoy the shit outta me?" Kendall demanded. James' brows raised and he looked at Kendall in confusion again. "Seriously! Carlos is too fucking nice, and I hate it," Kendall was sitting up and leaning forward for emphasis, getting into his lecture. "Logan's too fucking innocent and I hate it. Everyone else is just too fucking STUPID and I hate them. But you- I mean, you're all of the above. WHY do you not make me want to blow my brains out?"

James didn't take offense to Kendall's saying he was stupid- he knew Kendall was only joking about that. Even if he wasn't joking, James didn't mind so much.

"Probably because you're secretly in love with me," he said smoothly.

"Don't even say that," Kendall snapped. James' brows shot up yet again and he turned down the radio a bit. "I'm NOT gay."

"It sounds more like you're telling yourself instead of me," James noted.

"Don't flatter yourself, sweetheart," Kendall growled. Kendall had been battling this issue by himself for a long time- he didn't need James to be involved.

"What's so wrong with gay? Los told me that Logan came out to him that night, you know," James said matter-of-factly.

"I told you he was gay. And it's whatever- HE can pull it off."

"I feel like if the love of your life is a man, then what the hell? I think love is worth it."

"Not with a man."

"Are you religious or something? Why are you so defensive?"

"Do I LOOK religious? No! I just- I don't wanna talk about it anymore."

Seeing that Kendall was closing his doors again, James backed off.

"So what did you get on the English test?" he asked, changing the subject. Kendall hesitated from the rapid subject change, but answered.

"Hundred and four," he said.

"Damn."

"Why? What about you?"

"Eighty-one. Which is good for me."

"Well then… Good."

"Thanks."

* * *

Kendall read aloud as he and James sat on the edge of the pool, feet dipping into the warming water. James listened intently, loving the way Kendall was so precise in his pronunciations and how he put emphasis on some words. He even stopped reading frequently to explain something to James or say something funny.

"What does that word mean?" James interrupted.

"What word?" Kendall asked, searching the text. "Splenetic?"

"Yeah."

"It means like… Pissed off."

"Oh. Okay."

Kendall nodded and continued reading. He was surprised that James was listening actively enough to catch words he didn't know. He had been kicking his feet gently through the water, watching them move this whole time. Kendall guessed that that's what he did when he was listening and imagining. He had to note that although sometimes James was a dipshit, he was also very willing to learn.

Finally, after about an hour and a half, Kendall stopped.

"I'm tired of this. You read," he said, shoving the book into James' hand and making to get up. "I'm leaving."

"But I'm a little bit dyslexic! I can't read this by myself!" James pleaded.

Kendall hesitated before settling down again.

"Fine. Just read it out loud and I'll help you whenever you need."

"I'm slow at reading."

"It's cool."

Kendall laid his back against the cobblestone siding of the underground pool, looking up at the blue sky. James started reading- timid at first, but gaining a bit of speed and fluency.

"What's that word?" James asked, leaning over to point to a word he couldn't pronounce.

"Appendages. Means like arms and legs and shit."

James nodded appreciatively and began reading again. When there was dialogue, he loved to make the character's voices different from his own, which made Kendall laugh every time it happened.

Finally James stopped.

"I'm done."

Kendall snapped out of his slight doze and sat up.

"Let's go in and play games or something," James suggested, closing the book. Kendall retrieved his phone, which told him it was only 4:45. As much as he hated to admit it, Kendall actually sort of LIKED hanging with James.

"Carlos isn't gonna be in there, right?" he asked.

"I don't think. He's been hanging with Logan a lot lately."

"You jelly?"

"Nah. Logan's a good influence for him," James grinned, getting to his feet. Kendall, for some reason, found himself mesmerized as he watched the water stream down and between James' thin leg hair.

"Sorry- I forgot to shave last night," James said in a lispy voice, holding out his hand to help Kendall up. Kendall let himself up and dusted off his pants.

"It happens to the best of us, honey," Kendall answered in a lispy voice, too. James giggled and made his way to the glass door leading into the house.

Before going to the basement, the two stopped at the refrigerator for sodas. They reached the gaming systems downstairs, only to find that Carlos had borrowed all the games.

"It's cool- I have a TV in my room. We can chill there," James said indifferently, making for the stairs. Kendall followed reluctantly. Great. GREAT. Being alone with a hot guy in his bedroom for God knows how long. He had to stop the… THOUGHTS.

"I should be home by ten," Kendall said nervously as they entered. "School tomorrow."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow anyway, right? When you clean the pool? We can read more."

Kendall nodded and sat carefully on the unmade bed. The room was relatively messy, but also a bit neat and organized.

"When's prom?" James asked, plopping down on the swivel computer chair and facing Kendall, legs spread wide open.

"Two weeks ago," Kendall said, averting his eyes.

"DAMN! I missed it?"

"I did, too. Don't worry."

"Why didn't you go?"

"I had a few pools to clean," Kendall shrugged. This sort of broke James' heart- Kendall didn't go to his Senior PROM, because he just HAD to clean those damn pools. "It was opening season, so it was important."

"Yeah, but it's your Senior year."

"I don't like anyone at school and they don't like me. I had no reason to go anyway. Besides- it was important for me to earn money."

"Why? Doesn't your mom have a job?"

"No," Kendall said angrily. "She has seizures sometimes and can't work."

"Oh… That sucks. So I guess you're the only one who can get money, right?" Kendall nodded sarcastically.

"And I have to keep my dad's business running. It brings in a lot of money," Kendall said quietly. He liked that James didn't press on about his dad.

"I could help you with your work. Me and Los and maybe even Logan could-"

"I work alone."

"But you shouldn't. You can throw out your back and overwork yourself and stuff."

"It's fine. Besides- then I'd have to split the profits."

"Nah- I'm loaded, Logan's apparently loaded, and Carlos doesn't care about money."

"Then it would be charity."

"C'mon, Kendall. Don't say it like that."

"I don't need your help anyway," Kendall huffed.

"Just let me know if you do. I know it's hard to get the covers on before winter. Especially by yourself."

"Normally Dad and I do it…" Again, James didn't press on about his dad.

"See? So you need a partner."

"I don't NEED a god damn PARTNER!" Kendall snapped. James cocked a bow- unaffected- and shrugged. He searched Kendall's eyes for a while before averting them.

"My Pop's outta the question, too, you know," he finally said. Kendall was silent- ready to leave if he needed. "He left my mom and I- I was so young or maybe in the womb still that I don't remember him. But I don't want to know him, you know? Why did he leave? My mom's a bitch, but I was a baby for God's sake. For a while, I thought that maybe I wasn't cute enough for him or I cried too much or maybe he just didn't think he'd like me. But then I realized that it really wasn't."

"Why're you telling me this?"

"I know it's not nearly the same story as you have about your dad, but I wanted to let you know that I sort of understand."

"You DON'T understand," Kendall said defensively. "You didn't ever LOVE your dad. You have no memories with him. You never knew him. You could never understand my pain."

James could see the anger building up and see that Kendall was ready to spring up and leave.

"Excuse me for trying to reach out to a friend."

"I'm not your FRIEND! Why don't you people get that? I don't LIKE you!"

"Well if you don't start liking SOMEONE soon, you're gonna blow up!"

"Fine! Then I'd DIE, like I've wanted to all this time!"

James stopped, eyes wide. Kendall scowled and jumped up, making for the door. James was faster, though, and was jerking Kendall back by the bicep.

"Are you being serious about that?" James asked gently. Kendall's eyes, those of a deer staring death in the long, narrow black eye of a shotgun.

"You don't know what it's like to lose your best friend! You don't KNOW!" Kendall said weakly. "Nobody UNDERSTANDS that!"

James' hand crossed Kendall's chest to grip his other bicep- his hands warm on Kendall's skin as the boy stared slightly upward.

"Have you ever tried?"

Kendall averted his eyes.

"Have you ever TRIED to kill yourself?" James repeated. Kendall's eyes found James'- almost tearful.

"I wasn't serious about it, though."

"Look at me! Kendall, look! Suicide is- it's nothing to be playing around with. It's the worst thing in the world. Please- PLEASE stop even thinking about it."

Kendall was taken aback at how much James cared about the matter.

"You're fucking AMAZING- and I think I would actually cry if you DID die."

"No you wouldn't."

"Maybe I would. I know that your mom and your little sister would. They'd be destroyed, Kendall."

When the blonde's face crumpled in pain, James sighed and took him into a bear hug. Kendall allowed it somehow- he even rested his cheek on James' shoulder, a tear or two soaking the shirt. He didn't hug back, though. He just sort of enjoyed James' embrace. It made him feel safe- like a force-field. He liked how warm and muscular, yet caring the arms around him were, and how James rubbed gently on Kendall's back.

"They're the only reason," Kendall said softly, not trusting his voice to go any louder. "If it weren't for them, I'd be taking a dirt nap by now. Mom wants to put me away… But I know that I couldn't leave them."

James swayed slowly, cheek on Kendall's long hair. Kendall loved how gentle James was, knowing just how to sooth him and stop the tears. Even when Kendall thought he was okay, he didn't move.

"I miss my mom, too," James said quietly. "I mean- it's nothing like your situation, but I love her a lot and I haven't seen her for weeks."

Kendall was silent, eyes closed, just listening and getting lost in the embrace and the pulse beneath his ear in James' shoulder. James had this smell about him- slightly of cologne and slightly of natural scent. He liked it.

Eventually, James turned his face so his lips brushed Kendall's temple.

"Are you asleep?" James whispered, snapping Kendall out of his trance and making his eyes snap open. James backed his face away a little to grin down at Kendall, and what scared the blonde the most was the overwhelming need to just kiss James. It scared him so bad that he ripped himself from the amazing embrace and backed into the dresser accidentally. The mirror perched on the dresser wobbled and settled.

"Why was your face so close to mine?" he asked, eyes wide.

"I'm sorry, I just- Please calm down? I don't want you to leave."

"What the FUCK are you doing? WHY CAN I NOT BE AN ASSHOLE TO YOU?" Kendall shrieked, pressing himself against the dresser.

"I'm not DOING anything!"

"Hugging is NOT okay with me! Neither is talking about Dad or crying in front of people or-"

"Kendall, calm DOWN!"

"I have to go."

Kendall made for the door quickly, and James followed.

"Why are you so mad?" James asked as they went down the hallway. Kendall didn't answer as they went down the stairs. "KENDALL? Why?" Kendall still ignored him as he reached the front door. James grabbed his arm. "WHY ARE YOU SO MAD?"

Kendall whirled around, eyes ablaze.

"Because I loved the hug and you smell really nice and for some reason you're different from everyone else and I could have lived in your arms forever and I HATE it! I FUCKING HATE IT!"

James' eyes widened.

"That's no reason to be mad," James said quietly.

"YES IT IS! BECAUSE GAY IS NOT OKAY! I'M NOT FUCKING GAY!"

"Gay IS okay! And I wouldn't care if you were!"

"You would, too! You wouldn't want to be friends with the gay emo kid!"

"You're not the gay emo kid!"

"Yes I AM!"

James gripped Kendall's arms, shaking him a little until Kendall's eyes met his.

"No you're NOT! You're KENDALL! That's all!"

Kendall stopped fighting and just stared- everything going silent.

"You're Kendall. And if being gay and liking dark clothes and wearing makeup is part of you, then so be it. It only makes you better."

Kendall melted a little bit.

"And- if you have a crush on me, then that's what makes you Kendall Knight," James said simply.

Kendall couldn't stop his eyes from dropping to James' perfect pink lips. James saw this and opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly there was a Kendall on them.

Maybe Kendall forced himself on James because he DID have a little crush. Maybe it was because he was vulnerable and James was there for him. He didn't know WHERE this courage came from.

He was lost in the softness and warmth of James' lips, which only got better as James closed his lips and kissed back. Kendall's fingers curled into the t-shirt on James' stomach, attempting to pull the boy closer.

The fireworks display in both of their minds was shattered as James pulled away with a slapping noise, stepped back, tearing Kendall's fingers from his shirt, and stared.

"No," he said, dazed. "NO! FUCK! I kissed a GUY! NO!"

Kendall looked just as angry and offended, as if it were all on James. He backed away, black lidded eyes fiery like James had slapped his grandmother.

James stared at him for a long time, mouth open in shock, before dashing up the stares, the sound of a slamming bedroom door audible from downstairs. Kendall stormed out of the room, leaving the door open a crack.

A moment later, there he sat in his car in front of the Diamond house. He could see James up in his bedroom, pacing in front of the window, gripping his long hair here and there, obviously muttering to himself and being pissed off. Kendall touched his fingers to his lips, still feeling the perfect ones on his. Like they were an exact fit.

He scowled at himself, starting the car angrily. That shouldn't have happened.

* * *

**Oh, oh, oh oh, oooooh!**


	6. Chapter 6

Carlos laughed and rolled over in his bed, Logan grinning at him from the other side.

"You think she'd really say that?" Carlos asked with a hearty laugh.

"JUST like that- 'CARlos, what are you DOING in my front yard?'" Logan mocked with a dimply grin, sending Carlos into fits of giggles again.

"Los?" Came a deepish voice as Carlos' father poked his head into the room, interrupting Carlos' laughs.

"Yeah, Papi?"

"I know it's a Friday, but you guys keep it down- your mom has a headache," he said seriously.

"Kay."

Papi grinned a toothy smile and nodded, closing the door behind him. Papi was glad Carlos had another good friend to hang out with other than James. James was like a fifth son to Papi and his wife, but he wasn't a great influence on Carlos, since he skipped school all the time. This new friend was a great influence- always having great manners, doing his homework, and always saying goodbye to them before leaving. They DID miss James, but Carlos assured that James had a new friend, too, and that he was fine- that they were still best friends.

When Carlos laid his head back on his bicep to look at Logan, he had to laugh. Logan's eyes were wide, staring at the door, tensed up.

"ReLAX," Carlos said. "It's cool."

"I didn't know your mom didn't feel good," Logan said, eyes shifting to Carlos'.

"It's okay!"

Logan seemed to relax a little, nodding. He liked that Carlos wasn't afraid of him because he was gay. He liked that they were able to lay in this bed together without a second thought.

"Wanna go to James' tomorrow?" Carlos asked, poking Logan's ribs. Logan grinned and held his ribs.

"Sure."

"Maybe the pool warmed up a little bit. And I have all of his Xbox games- I guess I should give them back, right?"

"You stole them?"

"No! He doesn't care- what's his is mine and what's mine is his," Carlos said smartly.

Logan shrugged and pulled his hoodie sleeves over his hands, holding his arms close to him. Carlos liked it cold in his room, and Logan couldn't stand it.

"I'll get you a cover," Carlos said dramatically, rolling off the bed and going to the closet to get a light blanket. He put it over Logan easily, who pulled it up to his nose greedily as Carlos laid back down. "You know, you're kinda cute. Like a puppy or something."

Logan rolled his eyes, smiling beneath the blanket, glad the cloth covered his blushing cheeks. Carlos had this way of making Logan blush- a lot.

"I mean, you know, you're cute as a guy, too," Carlos said quickly, only making Logan redder. "Some guys… I just have to admire their looks. And you're one of them."

"Shut UP!" Logan said in agony, covering his entire face.

"I know you're beet red under that cover," Carlos giggled, tickling Logan through the blanket, knowing exactly where to touch to make Logan squirm.

"No! Unfair!" Logan squealed, giggling and wriggling as Carlos tickled his ribs. He had to stuff his hoodie sleeve in his mouth to keep from screaming in silly agony. "Please stop! PLEASE!"

Seeing that Logan's playfulness had turned to somewhat pain, he stopped with a laugh, leaving Logan laughing, too.

"Shouldn't have done that," Logan said finally, dark eyes on Carlos.

"Why?"

"Cause I know where you're ticklish, too," Logan said mischievously, and before Carlos could comprehend, Logan was straddling his stomach, knees pinning his wrists, tickling the underside of Carlos' sides.

"No! Stop it!" Carlos laughed hysterically, trying to free himself. He secretly loved being tickled, and everyone knew it.

"Sh! Your mom has a headache!" Logan hissed teasingly. Carlos laughed until tears rolled toward his ears and he could hardly breathe.

Finally Logan stopped and Carlos was left to catch his breath beneath him.

"Now THAT was unfair," he smiled.

"Oh, you love it and you know it," Logan laughed.

"A little bit. Comfy up there?"

"Quite," Logan said, swiveling himself on Carlos' stomach, making Carlos groan in mock agony.

"I'm gonna puke up pizza and you're gonna have to clean it up," he said.

"Totally worth it," Logan said, continuing to move.

"Stop it!" Carlos laughed, tickling Logan's ribs, making Logan stop and bend forward, adorable giggles escaping his mouth. Carlos stopped and Logan caught his breath, looking up at Carlos from where their faces were inches apart.

To his surprise, something in Carlos' eyes INVITED him to come closer. And he was hypnotized to do so. And to both their surprises, Carlos lifted his head to meet Logan's face. Their lips connected for a few seconds before Carlos pulled away gently.

"I hate to interrupt the mood, but there's a James tapping on my window," he said, eyes calm on Logan's panicky ones. Logan turned quickly to the window behind him to see James outside in the light front yard in front of the window, staring at them in horror.

"OHMYGOD!" Logan hissed, scrambling to get up and falling to the floor instead.

"Logan! It's fine!" Carlos groaned as Logan scampered to the bathroom to lock himself in. Carlos reluctantly got up and opened the window.

"The hell was that?" James hissed.

"THAT was the cutest kiss ever, THANKS. You scared him away. You know he's like a baby deer or something!"

"You can't KISS Logan!"

"Why're you here?" Carlos asked impatiently.

"Kendall kissed me," James said simply. "Last night. He didn't even come to clean the pool today and he hasn't texted me and he was supposed to come over to read to me today, and he wasn't even at school. Not that I really want to see him right now after what he did, but he can't just kiss me and then avoid me! Like, I want ANSWERS!"

"I can't kiss Logan? YOU can't kiss KENDALL! That's not okay, dude!" Carlos hissed. "You're like three-thousand percent straight!"

"And what about you?"

"You know I'm open minded. YOU aren't."

"It wasn't my CHOICE Los! He did it!"

"But you didn't push him away."

"No."

"You kissed back."

"Maybe…"

"If this happened yesterday, why am I just now hearing about it?"

"I was moping around and being angry and confused and shit."

"I don't know WHY you're so angry. Kendall's hot."

"It doesn't matter! I'm not gay, he INSISTS he's not gay, and I have no idea where the kiss even came from! Los, HELP ME!" James pleaded helplessly.

Carlos sighed and thought.

"Come in around front so my parents don't get mad you snuck in."

"What about Logan?"

"He'll be fine."

* * *

Kendall sniffled miserably and wiped his hooked nose on a tissue before tossing it to the floor with the others. He then snuggled into his blankets, closing his eyes. He felt like shit.

He was on the brink of sleep, therefore relief, when his cell phone rang. He stared at it, which buzzed and rang from the floor, to see "Carlos" was calling.

He didn't answer- partly because he didn't want to talk to Carlos, mostly because he was in too much pain to even get his phone. He knew what Carlos was calling about, anyway. One of two things.

One, Carlos was wondering why Kendall wasn't at school today. Two, James told him all about what happened the previous day and Carlos wanted answers.

He was just about asleep again when the phone rang. Again, it was ignored. But the third time it interrupted his tranquility of the dark bedroom, he answered.

"WHAT?" he asked- sending him into a coughing frenzy.

"Hey, man! Missed you at lunch today- where you been?" Carlos asked after he was done.

"Home."

"Why?"

"I have the flu."

"Damn. That's sucky, I'm sorry," Carlos said sincerely. "Hey! My mom can make you some AMAZING soup tomorrow and I'll bring it over!"

"No, Carlos. Don't bring me soup," Kendall grumped.

"My mom used to tell me it had magic healing powers, and I think it does."

"I don't care," Kendall groaned.

"Anyways, I hear that you and James partied yesterday without me."

Ice dropped into Kendall's stomach as he remembered what was temporarily forgotten.

"Yeah."

"Why's he mad at you?" Of course, Carlos knew the whole story. He just wanted to see how Kendall felt about it. He had left James and Logan in his bedroom, feeling the awkwardness between them but not caring, and stepped outside to call.

"None of your DAMN business," Kendall snapped, coughing again.

"Are you mad at him? What happened?"

"I'm not MAD, Carlos!"

"I won't tell him you told me."

"I know you already know."

Carlos was silent for a while.

"Look, dude, it's no big deal! Me and Logan kiss all the time, and it's like- whatever, you know?" Carlos asked, even thought he and Logan only kissed once.

"Yeah, well. I'm not gay."

"You don't have to be GAY. The way I see it is that if you like someone and they like you, you HAVE to go for it. Not a lot of people find love, and you have to take advantage, even if you're scared."

"I'm not scared and I'm NOT in love!"

"Well of course you're not in LOVE. But you could be if you gave it a chance."

"I'm not gonna do that."

"WHY?"

"BECAUSE I'M NOT-" Kendall had to stop to cough a little. "Because I'm not gay, James isn't gay, and we're not even attracted to each other!"

"Obviously you ARE, if you kissed him and he kissed back. I know both of you well enough to where if you weren't into him, you wouldn't have spent alone time with him and you wouldn't have even gotten close enough to him to kiss and I know that if HE wasn't into it, he would have pushed you away as soon as he saw it coming."

"No. I'm not gonna DATE James," Kendall growled.

"If you're denying your sexuality, it'll lead to crazy depression."

"I dunno if you've noticed this or not, but I already HAVE crazy depression," Kendall snapped.

"But James could HELP that!"

"James doesn't WANT to help that! And I don't want him to!"

"Okay, okay! But he's confused. Text him sometime, please? I'm not saying you have to get married. But don't push him away as a friend. As far as I can tell, he's the only one you haven't pushed away so far. Just tell him you're not into him and he'll just go on with being normal James."

Kendall sighed and rubbed his achy head.

"Fine," he gave in.

"Good. Feel better soon- we'll hang out next weekend," Carlos said happily.

Kendall hung up and tossed his phone to the floor again.

"Who were you talking to?" Katie asked as she entered the room with an orange Gatoraid for her brother.

"Carlos," he sniffled, gratefully taking the drink.

"He's worried about you?"

"Yeah," Kendall said, rolling his eyes.

"What about James? Did he call you?"

Kendall fell silent, looking away.

"You act different about him. You never talk bad about James," Katie observed.

"That's because I can stand James. But… I fucked up."

"How?" Katie asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Kendall looked at his baby sister- so young. She chummed around with the right kids and didn't know about sex or sexuality.

"You can't tell Mom. Or anyone. Okay?" He said seriously. Katie nodded. "Okay. Go close the door and come back."

After the door was safely closed and Katie was back on her perch at the end of the bed, Kendall took a deep breath. He had never- NEVER- talked to anyone about what he was about to tell his sister.

"Katie… Do you know what 'gay' means?"

"It means like… happy."

"Well, it means something else. Gay means that a boy likes boys instead of girls. And the same with girls liking girls. Get it?"

Katie nodded uncertainly.

"Well…" Kendall hesitated for a long time. He had never said the next words to himself. Not even in his mind.

"Say it. I won't tell."

"Katie, I'M gay," Kendall said slowly. His sister's face didn't change. "Do you understand that? I like boys."

"Yeah. What's the big deal? I like boys, too."

Kendall had to smile a little at that.

"Why are you upset about that?" Katie asked.

"Because Dad wouldn't have wanted that," Kendall said softly. "He would have wanted me to get married to a girl and have babies."

Katie looked confused for a second, then shook her head frantically.

"I bet Daddy's happy about it."

"Katie! You can't use present-tense when you talk about Dad!" Kendall snapped, sitting up a little bit.

"But he told me that he wouldn't leave and that he would watch over us as an angel and keep us safe," Katie fought back. "He knows! He watches us!"

Kendall was silent, feeling his lip quiver. No. He couldn't cry in front of Katie. It would scare her.

"You shouldn't be sad that he died. He told me that he had to so that he could be an angel and make sure we were safe. He's not GONE," Katie said soothingly. The words broke Kendall's heart and he burst into tears, falling back into his bed and curling into the covers.

"He knows that you like boys. I KNOW he knows, because you're his favorite and he knows you the best," Katie said softly.

"Don't say that, Katie. He loved us equally."

"I'm gonna tell Mom to come up here and make you feel better," Katie said, getting up. Kendall shot up, despite the searing pain in his head from his illness and crying, and grabbed her tiny wrist.

"You can't tell her I was crying. You can't tell her we talked about Dad. You can't tell her about what I told you. She'll make me go to the hospital for a while, and I'm afraid of the hospital," he said seriously. Katie's dark eyes searched his, and a childlike look of trust crossed them.

"How do you know that you like boys?" she asked.

Kendall, caught off guard, hesitated.

"Because I kissed James," he whispered secretively.

"Did that make you happy?"

"Yeah… For a while."

Katie nodded.

"Go back to sleep- you'll feel better later," she said softly. Kendall nodded and laid back down, feeling his baby sister tuck the blankets around him.

"Katie?" Kendall asked as he heard her start to leave.

"Yeah?"

"You weren't afraid when I yelled at you, were you?"

"No," Katie answered immediately. "Cause I know you don't mean to be scary. And I know that you wouldn't hurt me."

"That's right. Never."

* * *

Kendall wasn't at school Monday. Carlos hadn't told anyone that he knew that Kendall had the flu, because then he would have to explain to James that he had interfered and called Kendall in secret. James just assumed that Kendall was going to all possible measures to ignore him.

After school, James went to Kendall's house instead of his own, which was just a road away.

He knocked on the door and immediately it was answered by a skinny redhead that James recognized as Mrs. Knight.

"James, right?" she asked before he could say anything.

"Yes, ma'am."

"He's been asking for you in his sleep. Go on up the stairs and it's the first door to your right."

Before James could enter, Mrs. Knight stopped him.

"Thank you. I know that Carlos really reached out to him, but Kendall's picky about who he trusts. But I know that he trusts you. I don't know what's bothering him, but make it better."

James furrowed his brows in confusion.

"You'll see," she said, letting him through. James made his way up the stairs looking around. He had never been inside the little house, but he liked it. It smelled very clean and friendly. There were pictures of Kendall, his mom, a little girl assumed to be his sister, and a man who looked an awful lot like Kendall all up the walls beside the stairs. There were candid shots of Kendall just a few months ago on a stage with some other guys, guitar on his lap, singing into a microphone. Pictures of him as a kid with adorable dimples and light blonde hair. James had to smile at how happy the guy looked in all of them.

Finally he came to the first door at the top of the stairs and knocked on it. There was no answer.

"Kendall?" James called, knocking again. His stomach was in knots- he really didn't want to address the whole kissing issue with Kendall, but it had to be done. He found that he couldn't stop thinking about it- couldn't stop dreaming about it- couldn't stop. Maybe he was so nervous because he was afraid that Kendall would reject him… "Kendall, it's James!"

"Go away!" Kendall called, voice weak.

"I'm coming in."

"NO!"

But James was already opening the door. The bedroom was musty and dark- the curtains drawn, completely silent. James had to turn on the light to see Kendall curled up in the far corner of the room, eyes wide, obviously not being up and about for a long time.

"Get the fuck outta here or I swear to God-"

"What're you doing?" James asked curiously, approaching. Kendall stuffed something deep into his stomach and curled up tighter. "What do you have?"

"Just go."

James hurried to Kendall, but curled up tighter yet, but James jerked him to his feet. An orange bottle rattled to the carpet, spilling little white pills everywhere. James stared at them, then up at Kendall, whose face was crumbling.

"Don't tell Mom," he whispered, eyes terrified and on the verge of tears. "She'll admit me."

"Were you gonna-?"

"I was TRYING."

"Ohmygod," James said, panicked, inspecting Kendall. "How many did you swallow?"

Kendall was silent, looking away so that James wouldn't see the silent tear escape his barren eye. James shook him violently.

"HOW MANY?"

"Just like seven."

James jerked Kendall to the bathroom attached to the bedroom, getting Kendall to his knees before the toilet.

"James, stop!" Kendall said, eyes wide, as James pried open his mouth.

"You have to throw them up!"

"I'm fine!"

But James was already trying to force the end of a toothbrush down Kendall's throat.

"Stop! James!" Kendall gagged, jerking away.

"You'll die if you don't throw up," James said frantically. "What were those pills?"

"Nothing!"

"KENDALL!"

"They were for my dad's cancer symptoms!"

"Kendall!" James said, reaching hysteria.

"Give me the damn tooth brush!" Kendall said angrily, taking the toothbrush. He glared at James. "Turn around. Don't watch."

James took in a shaky breath and turned, taking a deep breath and running his hands through his hair as he heard the contents of Kendall's stomach hit the toilet water.

Kendall breathed deeply, spatting and flushing before getting up.

"You should've just left," Kendall said, washing off the end of the toothbrush before putting toothpaste on the other end and beginning to brush his teeth. James stared at him through the mirror, pain in his hazel eyes. "I didn't want to be saved."

"I think you need to go to the hospital," James said softly, making Kendall pause and stare at him with huge doe eyes.

"No."

"You… You were serious this time."

"Please go?" Kendall said. He rinsed his mouth and toothbrush and turned to James, leaning on the sink.

"WHY did you do that?" James asked, suddenly angry.

"I took out all the money in my bank account and put it in an envelope on my desk for Mom and Katie… It was a lot of money…"

"WHY did you try?"

"Because I couldn't turn it off, dammit! Because my best friend is DEAD and I have to provide for my family and I need help… But I'm so scared… And then we kissed and it amplified everything by ten thousand and I couldn't handle it," Kendall said hysterically, tears running down his cheeks. "I know I need to go to the hospital but I'm so scared."

"Kendall-"

"And I'm sorry I'm an asshole and I'm sorry I can't open up to you and I'm sorry I kissed you and ruined your life and I'm sorry you caught me trying to kill myself and I'm sorry I'm still alive!"

"Kendall!"

"Make it stop!" Kendall pleaded. "Make me better!"

Suddenly James' strong hands were on Kendall's scruffy jaw, pulling their faces together for a three-second kiss that made Kendall's knees weak.

"Stop yelling at me," James said softly but sternly, face still close to Kendall's, eyes searching Kendall's.

"I'm sorry," Kendall said, looking dreamily up into hazel eyes.

"You don't need to go to the hospital. You need to talk to me and let it all out."

Kendall nodded, still in a daze, willing to agree to anything that came from the perfect mouth.

"James?"

"Hm?"

"I would have thrown up anyways," Kendall said simply. James' eyes softened and he nodded a little bit.

"Why weren't you at school?" he asked.

"I had the flu. But now I'm better."

"Come to the party at Jenny's with me this weekend. That'll cheer you up."

"I don't party."

"I wasn't asking."

With that, James let go of Kendall and moved to the bedroom, where he picked up every pill on the floor and flushed them down the toilet.

"Now c'mere," James said seriously. Kendall slowly approached looking up at the taller boy. "If you ever try anything again, I'm telling your mom."

"Please don't."

"And you know my house is always open. If you ever need to just- get away. I'm there. I've got extra bedrooms and food."

Kendall nodded obediently.

"Okay. So… You'll be over tomorrow to read?" James asked with a little smile.

"Wait. You kissed me a while ago."

"Yeah."

"What the fuck?"

James shrugged a little.

"You seemed like you needed a kiss," he said. Kendall's heart melted. "And it made you feel better. I know that's not okay for friends to do, but I just wanted to help."

"It's fine."

James giggled a little and stepped away with finality.

"Well I have homework. I'll see you tomorrow at school?"

"Yeah," Kendall nodded.

James waved and stepped out of the room. He went down the stairs to see Katie and Mrs. Knight in the kitchen.

"Do you want to stay for dinner, honey?" Mrs. Knight asked as she saw him.

"Oh- I have a lot of homework. Maybe another night."

"Did you cheer him up?" she asked. James nodded, not insinuating what her son was so close to doing up there.

"Yeah… He's just really stressed out lately, you know? That's what he told me. Hey, Katie, right?" James pointed to Katie, who nodded cautiously. "Can I talk to you outside for a sec?"

Katie nodded shyly and followed James to the door, James waving at Mrs. Knight. Once they were safely outside, James got to his knees before the little girl, looking up at her seriously.

"You have to check on Kendall a lot, okay?" he whispered seriously. "I can't be there to make sure he's okay all the time, and you can."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Sometimes he gets so sad that he tries to hurt himself really bad. So you have to make sure his door is open and if it's not, go in there and talk to him. Okay?"

"Okay."

James nodded.

"James?" she asked before he could stand. He stopped to look at her again. "My brother likes you."

James grinned and nodded.

"I like him, too."


	7. Chapter 7

Kendall slowly removed his old sandy brown guitar from his closet. He stared at it for a long time- like the last few times he got it out and put it right back. But this time he wanted to play. He wasn't gonna let himself hide it again.

He took a deep breath and nodded, taking the guitar to the bed and sitting it on his knee as he sat. Lola is what he always called it. His dad taught him to play... And this was the first time he got it all the way out since… Since the death.

He strummed once with his bare fingers, getting a natural and familiar ring that brought pangs to his heart. He loved playing and singing so much, and missed it like crazy. But he knew it would be painful.

He let out a deep breath and turned to look at his left hand on the neck as the finger formed into a chord. He strummed more now, playing the beginning of a song he had written way back when. When he had friends and he was oblivious to his father's illness and all he had to do in life was be a free teenager. It brought back memories of being on stage, looking out to see his dad, mom, and Katie in the front row.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Knight stood outside of her son's bedroom, hands over her heart, smiling hopefully. She was so glad that her son had finally gotten his guitar out. It was a good sign.

* * *

James smiled as he walked up the stairs, the sound of a guitar ringing through the air. Mrs. Knight smiled from the top of the stairs and made her way down, patting James' shoulder as she passed.

He had to stop a second to listen. The guitar was really out of tune and the player was pretty rusty, but it was beautiful all the same.

Suddenly the music stopped and the sound of a page turning signaled the high-pitched plucking of strings. It was in a happy key, which surprised James, and it almost sounded like the type of music you dance to with your friends.

"That sounds awesome," James said, entering with his backpack. Kendall's head snapped up, eyes wide, and he stopped plucking.

"Every heard of knocking?" he shot, quickly jumping up and going to the closet.

"Crazy For U," James said, reading the title on the music page he picked up from the ground. "What, you're too good to write out Y-O-U?" he added jokingly.

"I COULD add a nice number four in there for you, if you want," Kendall shot, snatching the book and closing it.

"Sorry- wasn't trying to be a dick."

"I was."

"I know," James laughed a little, sitting on the bed. "You sounded nice."

"I'm rusty."

"It was still good."

Kendall smiled a little and shrugged, sitting beside James.

"Who're you crazy for?" James laughed, nudging the boy.

"Nobody. It's just the title," Kendall said quietly. Seeing that Kendall was opening up to him, but was still a bit closed off, James didn't push it.

James just nodded and looked around at the room. It was red and covered in posters of all sorts- movies, games, bands, etc. It was pretty neat except the occasional shirt on the floor.

"You mommy said I could stay for dinner," James said.

"Yeah? It's a step up from frozen pizza and Cheetos," Kendall laughed, actually cheering up a bit.

"That it is," James laughed back. "So I'm gonna go kick that door closed and we can start reading."

After the door was closed and James came back, they lay on the bed, Kendall with the book.

Kendall found that with James so close and so casual, he couldn't focus on reading and fumbled with the words a lot.

"Would you stop staring at me?" Kendall pleaded, laying the book down in frustration. James was now on his side, head on his bicep, staring intently at Kendall's profile.

"Why?"

"Cause it's creepy as hell."

"Play music for me," James pouted suddenly.

"No!"

"Why?"

"Cause we're doing THIS now. And cause I don't want to."

"I don't wanna read anymore."

"James, I dunno if you know this or not, but we're almost done and there's barely a few weeks left of school."

"I know! I have everything else done except that."

"You have to do a report, right?"

"I can bullshit my way through it."

"What's your English grade now?"

"C plus."

Kendall thought a second before shrugging and tossing the book to the floor.

"But I'm not playing."

"Fine. We can just make out for a while."

"That's not okay to say to someone," Kendall laughed nervously, looking to the ceiling.

"You don't want to?" James asked softly. "Cause… I've been waiting to grow a pair and do it since I got here."

"Why do you think I'm suddenly okay with it?"

"Cause you are."

"Am not," Kendall lied stubbornly.

"If you weren't, you wouldn't have let me lay so close to you all this time."

"It's whatever. You just wanted to see the book."

"Yeah right," James retorted. Kendall turned his head to him, trying to give him a dirty look, but James saw the secret yearning in those black-rimmed caramel green eyes. He had to smirk, making Kendall turn back to the ceiling, trying not to blush.

James stole a look at the safely closed door and turned his face to kiss Kendall's cheek.

"JAMES," Kendall hissed, wiping his cheek with the back of his and. He turned throwing a death-stare at James, who kissed him on the lips this time. He was surprised, but Kendall's hand moved to James' jaw subconsciously, his neck twisted painfully. "This is-" Kendall was kissed again. "So- Gross-"

James giggled as they kissed more. He knew dinner would be ready soon, but he just wanted to savor the moment. His heart thumped in his throat and against his breastbone, breathing getting a bit shaky. He knew Kendall was affected, too, by the way his lips trembled.

Finally James got leverage by propping himself up on his elbow and towering his face over Kendall's. The blonde's hands shot to James' jaw, pulling him closer.

The creak of the door opening snapped them out of their ecstasy and sent James scrambling off of the bed on onto the floor. He flew to his feet, eyes wide on Katie's huge eyes as she stood in the doorway.

"Katie! You have to knock," Kendall hissed. James stood there, just staring at Katie with eyes nearly doubled in size.

"You were kissing," Katie said, eyes huge.

"Yeah," Kendall said bashfully just as James said "No we weren't!"

"Um… Dinner's ready…" Katie said slowly before slowly turning and leaving. Kendall sighed angrily and got up off of the bed. Before he could make it to the door, James had his wrist.

"She saw," James whispered. To his surprise, Kendall actually GRINNED, his dimples flashing at James.

"James. She's my baby sister- she's cool."

"What if she tells your mom?"

"Then my mom'll know," Kendall shrugged.

* * *

"Have as much as you want, sweetie. They eat like horses- I assumed you do, too," Mrs. Knight said with a grin as James made his plate in the kitchen.

"Thanks. I'm not too hungry, though, I ate a little before I came," James explained. After he was finished, Kendall led him to the dining room table, where they sat at the rectangular table side-by-side. Katie was at the end of the table beside Kendall and Mrs. Knight sat in front of Kendall.

"You guys have a big table for such a small family," James noted. He guessed they bought the table when Mr. Knight was still alive, but even with the extra person there would be two extra chairs every night.

"We used to have my parents over a lot, but they moved to Florida recently," Mrs. Knight explained. James nodded and took a bite, observing the way Mrs. Knight stared at him like he was a famous person or something.

"You know, you two really are a strange couple of friends," Mrs. Knight said thoughtfully, twirling noodles around her fork.

"Mom!" Kendall growled.

"Kendall- don't be mean to your mom," James said sternly, earning a dreamy look from Mrs. Knight.

"He's the only person around here I can stand," Kendall said to his mother, gentler this time.

"I'm just glad you found him," she said with a shrug. Kendall smiled a little at James and slid a hand onto his knee as his mom looked away. James jumped and casually smacked it away, giving Kendall a what-the-fuck look. Kendall simply continued with his food like nothing happened.

* * *

"You can do a back flip?" Katie asked, black eyes bright on James as they bounced on the trampoline.

"Heck yeah, I can. Wanna see?" James grinned.

"Please no. You'll break your neck," Kendall pleaded from where he sat on the edge of the mat, lightly being bumped around.

"I've gone it a billion times," James assured. "You guys have to stand back, though."

So Katie sat beside Kendall, watching as James faced away from the center. Without bouncing or a lick of hesitation, he threw his feet over his head in a back flip. For a second, they all thought he would land on his feet perfectly, but it didn't take long for Kendall to realize that he had too much momentum and would land on his neck before it even happened.

Kendall rolled his eyes as James landed on his upper back, then bounced to lay down.

"Awe fuck," James groaned. "Sorry, Katie. You didn't hear that."

"I told you," Kendall said, suddenly standing over James. "Are you okay?"

James reached a hand up for Kendall to pull him up.

"Fuuuuck," James moaned as Kendall pulled him to his feet.

"Are you hurt?" Kendall asked seriously.

"Just my pride."

Kendall grinned and shoved James backward.

"Can we play popcorn?" Katie asked, oblivious to the flirting going on in front of her.

"Okay, but I'm the popcorn," James said jokingly.

"We couldn't bounce you!" Katie laughed.

"Is that a fat joke?" James asked in mock hurt. "I thought we were friends!"

Katie laughed a little, rolling her eyes. For a young girl, she sure was sassy.

"Okay, squirt. You're the popcorn," James said with finality.

As the boys bounced Katie as high as their heads, Mrs. Knight watched from her kitchen sink window as she did the dishes. Kendall was smiling. Kendall was laughing. Kendall was playing. Kendall was happy. Perhaps what made Mrs. Knight so happy was that Kendall was out again. Every night Katie would ask Kendall to play on the trampoline or shoot hoops or go to the park with her after dinner. And every night Kendall would refuse, until eventually Katie stopped asking.

This James boy really was good for her son. Mrs. Knight had no idea how he did it, but this boy had Kendall smiling, laughing, getting involved, coming out of his room, going places, and best of all getting his guitar out and playing.

She missed Kendall's dimples, which she hadn't seen for months. But tonight they showed enough to make up for all of that. His black-rimmed eyes were bright when he looked at James. Mrs. Knight didn't know how they were such good friends already, since they were polar opposites, but she didn't question it too much. James even seemed to have Katie back to her old childish ways.

Outside, all three lay across the trampoline, breathing hard, laughing. James was in the middle, arms stretched above his head.

"Will you come over and play with me every night?" Katie asked, out of breath. Her brother never played anymore, and James seemed to have enough energy to really wear her out. Besides, if James came over every night, Kendall would play and be happy, too.

Kendall smiled a little, looking up at the stars. James was a catch.

"I dunno- that's tiring," James laughed. "Maybe one day you can come to my house. I have video games and a pool and stuff."

Kendall felt James' outstretched arm bend to lightly tug on his blonde locks, petting them lightly. Kendall turned his head to him with a little smile.

"I gotta go talk to your mom." James said and got up, hopping off of the trampoline and walking toward the sliding glass door.

"Hey, Mrs. Knight-?" James began, entering the house.

"Call me Mama Knight- that's what his old friends used to call me," Mrs. Knight said, washing the dishes as he approached.

"Mama Knight. I like it. Do you need help?"

Mrs. Knight seemed to melt as she shook her head.

"I don't. You're so sweet for asking, though."

James shrugged and leaned against the counter beside the sink.

"What do you need, sweetheart?" she asked.

"I know Kendall probably won't ask you, even though I told him to, but can I take him to a party this weekend?" James asked. Mrs. Knight's brows shot up.

"He wants to go to a party?"

"No. But he's going to anyway," James laughed. "If it's okay with you, I mean."

"Of course it is. I can't tell you when he last went out with friends," Mrs. Knight said in relief.

"And he can stay the night with me afterward?"

"Of course," she said brightly. James grinned and nodded, making to leave, but before he could take a step Mrs. Knight spoke. "You know… I don't know how you did it."

"Did what?"

"Brought him back," she said dreamily. James turned and looked out the window to see Kendall and Katie looking at the stars on the trampoline, talking softly.

"He's still mean to everyone else. But I'm working on it," James laughed.

"Just the fact that you got him out there and playing was a miracle. Really. Thank you."

James shrugged and laughed.

"All in a day's work, citizen," he winked before turning back to the door.

* * *

"Your mom said that you could go to the party with me," James said in front of the Knight house door, backpack slung over his shoulder. It was just he and Kendall.

"You asked?" Kendall groaned.

"I knew that you wouldn't."

Kendall shrugged and nodded in agreement.

"Kay. Well I should go, then, I guess," James smiled. "I had an awesome time."

"It was fun. See you tomorrow."

James smiled a little and turned, squeezing Kendall's hand a little before dropping it as he walked off without so much as a peck on the cheek. Kendall guessed they weren't on a "goodbye kiss" basis, he shouldn't expect it.

* * *

Kendall had to keep himself from pressing a pillow over her face and squealing like a little girl as he plopped down on the bed. His heart wouldn't stop fluttering, and he just had to let it out.

He plugged in his electric guitar and sat on the bed casually, strumming like mad just because he could.

So many thoughts.

Like, who ever thought that the person who could get Kendall OUT would be James? James- the tall, dark, handsome, too-cool-for-school kid? James, who wasn't overly peppy or overly angry, but just friendly enough to get Kendall to like him. James, who somehow understood Kendall to the degree that sometimes Kendall didn't even have to talk? Who gave the best hugs and the best kisses and had the prettiest eyes and the softest hair and the most caring touch and-

A few days ago these thoughts would have scared Kendall into finding more pills and swallowing them in hopes of perishing. But now they made his head flutter. Like maybe James set a part of him free- the part that said _I'm gay! I'm gay! _was caged up, and now it soared free. Although Katie and James were the only ones who knew, even they weren't necessary. The bottom line was that HE knew. And HE was comfortable with it. And HE just wanted to touch James all the time and hug him and hold his hand. He was pretty sure James knew that.

Even though James was the only person on the "outside" who he could let his guard down around, it was okay. Kendall didn't even like people.


	8. Chapter 8

Kendall found himself washing himself with great care in the shower the night of the party. He got out, shaved very carefully, put on deodorant, and stepped out into his bedroom.

He didn't have very many nice clothes that were good for wearing to parties, so he decided on jeans and a black shirt. Kendall was about to go to the bathroom to start on his eyeliner when his mother called for him.

"James is here!" she called up the stairs.

"Well fuck," Kendall grumbled. It sounded petty and girlish, but Kendall didn't want James to see him without his makeup. He raced down the stairs anyway, though, because he was excited to see James.

Kendall arrived downstairs to find that his mother was ranting on to James about how Kendall hadn't been to a party in forever and how Kendall had done this and that, but James wasn't listening to her. His eyes had already caught the handsome blonde coming down the stairs and he zoned out.

He loved how Kendall's eyes looked without the eyeliner, although he loved them with it, too. He loved how casual yet beautiful Kendall looked when he wasn't quite ready to go yet.

James himself looked pretty sharp in a light blue t-shirt and jeans, but he always looked sharp.

"You're early," Kendall retorted, taking James' hand.

"Sorry."

Kendall smirked a little and tugged James away and up the stairs to his room.

"Just turn on some tunes and I'll be out in a sec," Kendall said, gesturing to the radio on his dresser and going to the built-in bathroom. James nodded and turned on the radio. Immediately screamo blared through the speakers, making James jump and scramble to turn down the volume.

Minutes later, after James had turned the station, Kendall came from the bathroom with eyeliner on and looking sharp.

"Ugh- is this the Pop station?" Kendall asked, hooked nose wrinkling up a bit.

"What's wrong with it?"

Kendall just smirked and shook his head, turning the radio off.

"Nothing, I guess. Ready?"

James looked Kendall up and down, confused.

"You're going in that?" he gestured to the black t-shirt Kendall had on. Kendall looked offended.

"What's wrong with it?"

"I'll lose you in the darkness," James pouted, going to Kendall's messy closet.

"What does it matter if you lose me?"

"You're my DATE. Of course it matters," James retorted as Kendall went to his drawers. Although Kendall would never admit it, the use of the word "date" sent his heart soaring. They were going up a step?

James looked through the sea of black t-shirts, looking for any type of color. The only thing in there was a black and white flannel toward the back.

"This is pretty," he said, holding up the hanger with the shirt on it.

"I wore that to my dad's funeral," Kendall said blankly, staring at the shirt. James' eyes grew wide and he slowly backed away, putting the shirt back in place. Surprisingly, Kendall didn't seem to be too affected, as he was holding up a red and black flannel in his hands.

"What about this?" Kendall asked. "It was stuffed in the back of my drawers along with the rest of my preppy clothes."

"It's not PREPPY. Put it on- I bet you look sexy in it," James urged. Kendall sighed and pulled his t-shirt off over his head, tossing it to the ground. James stared at the toned, pale, slightly hairy chest before it was covered with the flannel.

James went to the bathroom as Kendall buttoned the shirt up, smelling the two colognes that Kendall had. He settled on one bottle that smelled surprisingly good and returned to the room.

"Arms out," he ordered.

"Why?" Kendall asked as he finished pinning up his sleeves. James held up the cologne and Kendall obeyed.

After a few sprays, James took a whiff of Kendall.

"I smell like a Macy's," Kendall complained. James grinned, tossed the cologne onto the bed and hugged Kendall around the waist, nose buried in his hair.

"You smell amazing."

"I think you're actually smelling the green apple shampoo I used a while ago," Kendall said smartly. "I was out, so I had to use Katie's."

James giggled and tickled Kendall's ribs, getting a surprising reaction of laughing and squirming.

"Dark and angry Kendall is TICKLISH?" James teased, tickling Kendall more.

"No! Stop!" Kendall laughed. James finally let him go and Kendall grinned and shook his head, breathing hard.

James just had to admire the way the eyeliner that Kendall wore brought out the green in Kendall's caramel green eyes, making them look lighter and really pop.

"What?" Kendall mused.

"You're hot."

"Says the hottest guy in existence," Kendall said sarcastically. "I feel stupid."

"But you LOOK amazing," James murmured, surprising him with a kiss. Kendall's heart and mind soared as their lips connected- he had been craving this for a long time, and when it ended he found himself paralyzed. Honestly, since the other night when James hung out with the Knight's and didn't even kiss Kendall goodbye, Kendall didn't know where they stood. This seemed to set that straight.

"Ready to go?" James asked, seemingly unaffected. "We still have to pick up Los and Logan as Los'."

"Are we going in your car?" Kendall asked, trying not to sound too excited. He loved James' car.

"If you want," James laughed, surprised at the enthusiasm.

"Kay. Let's go."

* * *

"Oh- Logan, you're on fire," Carlos said, his eye catching the flaming marshmallow on the end of Logan's stick, which had drooped into the fire.

"Oh lord," Logan said as if he had let Carlos down in some huge way. He took the stick from the fire and Carlos blew it out.

"It's okay. I like them burnt anyway," Carlos said reassuringly. Logan smiled sweetly, watching as Carlos tilted his head up to the stars and dropped the gooey mess into his mouth. "Awe fuck! That's hot!"

"It's sugar that was on fire. Of course it's hot," Logan giggled as Carlos chewed with some difficulty. Logan reached over to scrape white goo from Carlos' chin, plunging his thumb into his mouth flirtatiously.

"Awe gross. Now you have my skin cells in your mouth," Carlos said.

"Awe GROSS," Logan teased sweetly, nose wrinkling up.

"Do you want me to make you a marshmallow?" Carlos asked.

"It's okay- I've had enough sugar for today," Logan shrugged.

"Logan! Jesus! What kind of a teenager are you?"

"I'm sorry," Logan said, seemingly cowering back. Carlos' eyes grew wide and he shook his head.

"No! I'm not mad! I was just kidding!" Carlos assured. Logan smiled in relief. He didn't like for anyone to be upset at him. "I guess one of us has to watch their sugar intake, and it sure as hell isn't me," Carlos grinned, slipping an arm around Logan's waist.

Meanwhile, James and Kendall sat behind them against a tree.

"They're weirdly cute," James observed about his best friend and new boyfriend.

"Yeah… I guess. I dunno HOW they're ever gonna fuck- Logan's entirely too innocent," Kendall said.

"Think so?"

"Definitely," Kendall nodded. "I'm gonna go get something to drink- want anything?"

James thought a second.

"Just a Coke, please?"

"You don't want beer in a red Solo cup?" Kendall teased.

"Nah- I don't really like alcohol," James shrugged. Kendall got up and made his way to the house.

Kendall entered the house, which was full of teenagers of all stages of clothing making out everywhere. He found his way to the cooler and pulled out two Cokes.

"Hey! Emo!"

Kendall sighed and shook his head, turning to see Vince there- the guy whose locker was right above Kendall's- surrounded by his hockey buddies. If only Vince knew that if this were last year Kendall could have smoked his ass at a hockey game.

"You DO know that I have a name, right? I think you should know that by now," Kendall retorted.

"Why should I call you by your name, SCUM?"

"See, that's not it, either," Kendall said smartly. "The name is KENDALL. Thanks. I think as my very best locker buddy you should call me that."

"What're you doing here?" Vince asked angrily.

"All the Seniors were invited- I'm pretty sure I count as a Senior," Kendal retorted.

"Here with your boyfriend?"

"Yeah," Kendall nodded casually. "And know what? I'm gonna tell him about this little conversation. And he's way bigger than you and he's got a nasty temper. So lay the fuck off."

"Ooh- I'm so scared!"

Kendall rolled his eyes and left, flipping the jocks the bird over his head. He wasn't really going to tell James about this, simply because James DID have a nasty temper and would surely kill Vince if he knew about it. And he felt bad for telling Vince that James was his boyfriend when he really wasn't.

Kendall returned to the tree to find no James. He looked to Logan and Carlos, since maybe he was there, but he wasn't.

"Hey! Emo!"

The voice made Kendall jump and go into defense mode. But then there was a giggle and James appeared before him, hanging out of the tree.

"I'm just kidding," James laughed. His hand reached down to tilt Kendall's chin up and James placed a sweet kiss on his lips, melting Kendall's frozen muscles.

James took the Cokes and helped Kendall climb up into the tree.

"What's wrong? You're quiet," James observed as Kendall took a seat on the branch across from him.

"Nothing…" Kendall said.

"I'm sorry I called you emo. If that's it."

"It's not," Kendall smiled, his heart melting. "It's okay when YOU say it."

"It's not okay for anyone to call you that," James said, taking a sip from his can. Kendall drummed on the top of his with his thumbs. "I think that emo kids cut themselves. You don't do that… You don't, right?"

Kendall laughed a little and shook his head.

"No. I'm too much of a pussy for that," Kendall smiled. James laughed and sat his can in the knot of the tree before propping his foot up on the branch beside Kendall, making part of their canopy of leaves shake.

"I wanna talk to you about something," James said. The sweetness and somewhat nervousness in his voice made Kendall's heart leap. Whatever they were about to talk about, Kendall was excited for it.

"Okay."

"I have no idea what it is about you that makes me so happy… You're completely wrong for me, but somehow, I know it's cheesy, somehow you're so right. When we kiss… It makes me want to throw up-" James' eyes widened when he saw Kendall's brows furrow in confusion. "No! I mean… throw up in a good way. Like a violent vomit-my-innards-onto-the-floor type thing, because I just feel so happy," James sighed in frustration. "That's not sexy. Let's start over. I like you."

Kendall laughed and blushed a little, invisible to James. His eyes averted to the can in his lap.

"I like you, too," he said softly, caramel green eyes raising to look timidly at James.

"And I wanted to ask you something…"

"You're gonna have to take me to dinner before we can get married," Kendall joked.

"Dammit," James huffed mockingly. "Look, you're not making this any easier."

Kendall grinned and leaned onto his knees, looking up at James.

* * *

Carlos cuddled in closer to Logan, eyes wide on the girl across the fire telling a scary story to the teens sitting around.

"It's just a story," Logan laughed, loving the close contact and the way that for once he was that hero to protect Carlos.

"The boy hid in the closet, listening as the man stepped closer," the girl said in a creepy tone. "Creeeeeeeak… Creeeeeeak…"

Carlos' eyes were intensely on the girl, tensed up and waiting for the scary part.

"Until-"

"BOO!"

Carlos screamed and jumped, hiding his face in Logan's shoulder as his ribs were grabbed in attempt to scare him.

Dumb laughter was heard behind them and Logan looked up to see Vince and his friends there.

"Hey! What gives?" Logan asked. Carlos unfurled himself and looked to see the jocks who scared him.

"That was HILARIOUS! He was so SCARED!" Vince howled. Finally their laughing died out and Vince's smile faded. "Hey! Looky here! We gotta coupla faggots!"

"Hey! Shut up!" Carlos said, brows upturned.

Logan watched as the guys made Carlos' life hell with their teasing. Carlos was so sweet! Why were they doing this? Carlos eventually stopped looking at them, staring at the fire with his lip pouted out. Logan sighed and pulled Carlos' head to his shoulder comfortingly.

Just as he saw the first tear fall from Carlos' eye, Logan sprung up and faced the other guys.

"Most homophobics are simply afraid to admit that they themselves are homosexual," Logan said angrily.

"I'm not GAY, fag!"Vincent retorted.

"Please just go away!" Logan pleaded.

"Loge-" Carlos said quietly, pulling on Logan's hand.

"No, Carlos. This isn't okay."

Carlos had never seen Logan angry and he wasn't sure if this was it or not. He was quiet though, standing up behind Logan.

People sitting around the fire saw the stance of the boys and immediately began chanting.

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

* * *

"Just say it," Kendall said soothingly.

"Okay," James said with a deep breath. "Will you… Kendall Knight… Be my… My boyfriend?"

Kendall's heart jumped and suddenly he felt what James described. That "violent vomit-my-innards-onto-the-floor" feeling that filled his stomach with butterflies to the point that he was sure they would overflow.

Just as he was about to say something, James' head jerked around.

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

James reached out to push leaves out of the way, seeing the scene with Logan, Carlos, Vince, and the gang of hockey heads.

"Fuck," James muttered, expertly swinging down from the tree. Kendall, astonished, followed with much more difficulty and caution.

"I think YOU and your little boyfriend should leave. At least people LIKE me!"Vincent said to Logan, whose jaw and fists were clenched.

"I don't like you," Logan said matter-of-factly.

"Look, you and the beaner just beat it, okay? I don't wanna hurt you," Vincent said sarcastically. With that, Logan launched himself across the log, taking Vincent by surprise and making him fall to his back with Logan on top of him.

"HE'S NOT A BEANER! TAKE IT BACK!"Logan's little fist pulled back and came down hard on Vince's face, hurting his hand more than Vince.

"GET THE HELL OFFA ME, YOU LITTLE PHSYCO!"Vince yelled, punching Logan in the face. Logan just grunted and tried to attack again.

James pushed through the chanting circle that had formed around the two.

He easily looped his arms around Logan's ribs and pulled him off of Vince, afraid that Logan would get seriously hurt.

"GET OFFA ME!" Logan shrieked, foot flying backward to connect with his attacker's crotch. He honestly thought that whoever was holding him was another jock trying to hold him back while Vince attacked him.

James grunted and let go of Logan, holding his crotch in pain. A few guys nearby hissed in imaginary pain.

Logan got to his feet and lunged for Vince again, the other boy up and ready this time. Vince caught him, slammed him to the ground, as his jock buddies began kicking him in the ribs. Vince grabbed Logan by the hair, thumping his head against the grass. Logan was so angry he didn't even feel it- he used his endless knowledge of human anatomy to press a pressure point and get Vince on the ground again.

"TAKE IT BACK!" he screamed, hand around Vince's neck just below his jaw.

Suddenly, someone had his hair again and was pulling his head back, he felt a cold blade at his throat.

"Let him go!" Carlos yelled as the other jocks held him back. Carlos uselessly beat at the guy with the blade's shoulders, doing nothing to help. One jock jerked him away as he grabbed for the blade.

Logan expertly jabbed his elbow into the kid's shin, the blade disappearing from his throat. Before he could think, Vince's head had collided with his and he heard ringing in his ears and stars in his eyes.

James, still on the ground, holding himself, looked up. Did that kid have a KNIFE? The hell? Logan's nose was dripping blood, but there was no sign of letting up.

Finally Kendall pushed through the circle and saw that Logan was about to get his ass beaten. He sighed to himself. Damn… Looks like he'd have to be a good guy here.

He easily planted a foot in Vince's crotch and pulled Logan off of him.

"GET OFFA ME!" Logan yelled, struggling. Kendall swiftly kicked his feet from under him and dragged the squirming body away. Once they were outside of the circle, Kendall pulled him to his feet and bent his arms behind him painfully.

"It's over, Logan. You're done," Kendall said, grunting against the tiny but strong boy.

"Let em go, Emo Fag. So we can finish this," Vincent smirked, on his feet in front of them now, wiping blood from his face.

"It's time for you to shut the fuck up, Vince," Kendall growled.

"Let me at em!" Logan screeched, fighting hard despite his arms nearly breaking at the elbow.

"Just let him go, assface," Vince sneered.

Suddenly a fist connected with Vince's cheekbone, sending him staggering and falling. All eyes turned wide at James, who was seething.

"Let's go," he ordered, storming past Kendall and the now-still Logan.

"C'mon, Carlos," Kendall called and Carlos quickly scampered over to take Logan from Kendall so that Kendall could run to catch up with James.

He found James unlocking his sleek red car.

"Hey!"he called. James turned as Kendall arrived, taking hold of his flannel and pulling him in to kiss him hard.

"O-okay…" Kendall stammered dreamily as the kiss was broken.

"Vince is an asshole. Not only did he call my best friend racial names and beat my best friend's boyfriend up, but he called YOU names."James had been filled in on what happened on his journey to attempt the break up the fight.

"He always calls me names," Kendall said, confused, as he was kissed again.

"Okay, we HAVE to go now!" Carlos called as he and Logan came running hand-in-hand to the car, throwing open the back door and diving in. Kendall and James looked up to see the jocks speeding at them, only twenty feet away. James hopped into the back seat, Kendall in the driver's seat.

As soon as they were speeding off, James climbed into the front seat.

"What did you guys DO, Los?" James raged, staring back at the two smaller boys, who were shaking in fear. He didn't seemed at all phased that Kendall was driving his expensive car. Logan's cheekbone was bruised and he had blood gushing from his nose- his black hair was severely messed up.

"I cussed em out and I didn't mean to!" Carlos said worriedly.

"Day-um!" Kendall said in a sassy gay guy voice. "It's good that you can run!"

"Are you okay?" James asked.

"I'm fine. What about you, baby?" Carlos asked Logan.

"Right now I feel GREAT!" Logan smiled.

"I had no idea you had such a pair," Kendall noted. "That was a WIN!"

"Really? You think so?" Logan asked with a shy smile.

"You kicked me in my jewels, Logan! It HURT!" James retorted.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know it was you! If I did I'd have never hurt you," Logan said hurriedly.

"Logan… They had a blade. What if they used it like they were about to?" Kendall said rationally, taking everyone by surprise. "You'd be dead."

"I wasn't thinking. I've never fought anyone before and I was lost in my anger."

Kendall shook his head in disbelief. James smiled a little and reached over to lace his fingers with Kendall's in support as Carlos wiped blood from beneath Logan's nose.

"I think it was sweet. The way you stood up for me," Carlos said sweetly.

"Sweet?"Logan retorted.

"Yeah. You're like my Superman," Carlos winked, peppering Logan's face with kisses and making Logan giggle. "I'm really sorry I didn't help you… I was scared. And it seemed like you had it under control."

"I did. I feel so- alive now. But that was scary."

"You know, I think that in the midst of all that I heard you say the word 'asshole'," Carlos said thoughtfully. Logan's eyes turned wide on Carlos'.

"Really? I did?" he gasped. "I didn't mean to!"

"Oh no! Logie said a dirty word!" Carlos gasped in mock astonishment before he grinned and shook his head. "I think it was hot. And so was you beating the shit outta Vince!"

"Carlos!"

"It was," Carlos laughed, kissing Logan's face some more.

"Well… I just hate racial slurs. Especially when aimed at my boyfriend…"

"Loge," Carlos giggled. "James has called me that before. Hell, I'VE called me that before. It's not a big deal."

"Gee, wish I would have known that BEFORE I got into a fist fight and almost killed myself," Logan grumbled. Carlos giggled and kissed Logan's bruised cheek gently.

"Thank you for sticking up for me, though. Honestly, if you didn't I would have. He kept calling us faggots and all that… I hate that. And I think he would have gone all out if it were me. I think you're just too cute to hurt too bad," Carlos winked.

Meanwhile, up front, Kendall was acting a bit stressed out.

"You're cute when you care," James said, squeezing his hand.

"I just hate fights. And I mean… Vince needs to stick with people his own size. I know Logan started it, but he shouldn't have fought back. Logan's tiny and fragile."

James leaned over the glove box in the middle of them.

"I think you were just afraid that Logan would get hurt," he whispered, kissing Kendall's cheek.

"Maybe."

James bit his lip flirtatiously before kissing Kendall's cheek again before sitting back in his seat.

"And um… Thanks. For sticking up for me. I know that you probably just punched his lights out cause you wanted to end the whole thing, but thanks for lying and telling me that it was for me," Kendall said, seemingly embarrassed.

"It was mostly for you."

"Well… Thanks. Nobody's ever stuck up for me before."

"You may be an assface and you may be a fag," James said jokingly before getting serious, "but I told you. It's not okay for anyone to call you emo."

"That's who I am at school. I don't think they really know my name."

"Well they should learn it," James said, angry at the jocks. Kendall smiled a little and looked down at the bundle of hands. He had to internally laugh at the way his hand seemed to glow in the moonlight, being so white, while James' was tan and contrasted his own skin tone.

"How're your… jewels?" Kendall asked, unconsciously rubbing his thumb along James' hand.

"I guess they'll be okay," James grumbled.

"Do you need me to suck on them to make them feel better?" Kendall whispered. James' eyes grew wide and he thumped Kendall's shoulder.

"My God!"

"Hi. I'm Kendall. I like to joke around," Kendall said sarcastically. "The offer's still open, though," he winked.

James rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Hey," Kendall said quietly as they reached a busy stoplight. James turned to see that Kendall was looking at him. "Yes."

"Yes?"

"I'll be your boyfriend," Kendall said in a lispy tone. "If you be my boyfriend."

James laughed and shook his head.

"Okay," he laughed. Kendall just kept smiling at James until there was honking behind him.

"Shit," he grumbled as he realized the light had been green for a while now.


	9. Chapter 9

"FREE!" James sang as he approached Kendall's locker, where Kendall was stuffing used up binders and notebooks into his old backpack and slammed the empty locker shut. Vince waited patiently for Kendall to get done, as he had for the rest of the year after James knocked him out at the party. Kendall smiled sadly up at James and took his hand- something they hadn't done at school very often. But hey, it was their last day of senior year! Why not?

James was a bit confused- why wasn't Kendall happy? They always talked about how much they hated school… Maybe Kendall had bombed a final or something.

"Hey. Wassa matter?" James asked, lightly elbowing his boyfriend.

"Nothing," Kendall said unconvincingly, almost in an "asshole Kendall" voice, but caught himself before he used that personality on his boyfriend.

They got into James' car- Kendall in the driver's seat- and waited for Logan and Carlos. They were stuck there for a while anyway, since there were teenagers running wild all over the parking lot.

"I somehow graduated," James said in realization.

He thought about this school year. He didn't show up most of the first half, but the time he did, he almost got in a fight. Turns out, he ended up dating the kid he fought with- his best friend also dating a dude. He saw his mother a total of twelve times during this school year. He did endless amounts of homework to keep from having to go to summer school or repeat the grade. He-

His thoughts were interrupted by the car shaking violently. James and Kendall looked through the windshield to see Carlos on one end of the hood, Logan on the other, taking turns pushing down to shake it. Kendall flipped them off, making Logan blush and giggle, Carlos run up to his window and pounding on it jokingly. Kendall rolled his eyes and locked the doors.

"Three-thousand percent done," Kendall grumbled.

"Don't be a sourpuss."

"I dunno what you're talking about. This is me every day."

"Did you do bad on a final or something?" James asked.

"I did great on my finals."

"Then what the hell is your problem? Talk to me."

"Just drop it, okay?" James watched as Kendall looked away hurriedly. Kendall didn't want James to see that he was crying, but he still felt safe crying here. It was only James who could see him, since the car had extremely tinted windows.

James had no idea Kendall had been crying until Kendall wiped away a tear and looked ahead.

"Normally summer is exciting for me- 'cause I'm out of school and just get to spend all my time with my old man…" Kendall said quietly, staring out the window. Logan and Carlos were sitting on the hood now, Carlos talking to people as they passed. "But this summer is gonna be busy and I've never done it without Dad."

James had no idea what to say. He really DIDN'T know how Kendall felt, so he knew he couldn't do much about helping Kendall feel better with words. Instead he reached over and took Kendall's hand.

Kendall smiled a little at the simple gesture, looking down at their bundle of fingers. James somehow understood that Kendall really didn't want to talk about the matter, but just needed someone there.

"I'm sorry," Kendall finally said, wiping his face with his hands.

"I don't think you understand that it's OKAY to be emotional around me. I'm your boyfriend," he said gently.

"I don't like crying in front of ANYONE."

"Kendall, I'm the one who you should feel safe with telling your secrets to. The one who you come to to talk and cry and I'll give you hugs."

"I'm yet to receive a hug," Kendall said smartly. James sighed dramatically and opened his car door, stepping out into the warm summer Minnesota air and walking around the front of the car. Logan and Carlos were on the hood, talking, Carlos cuddled up to Logan, and there was barely anyone left in the parking lot now.

He opened Kendall's door and reached in to help him out. With that, he pulled Kendall into a hug around his waist, James' cheek on his hair.

"Are you good?" James asked after a while of listening to Kendall sniffle into his shoulder and James rubbing his back soothingly.

Kendall sniffled the last of his sadness away looked up at James.

"How's my makeup?" he asked in a lispy tone, telling James that he was back to normal. James giggled and shook his head as he licked his thumb and rubbed it up Kendall's cheek, who was still hugging his waist, to clean smeared eyeliner off. Kendall's nose wrinkled up and he tried to get away, but James had already peppered his face with kisses.

"Hey! Faggots! Get in the car!" James called to Logan and Carlos on the hood as they got back into the car. Carlos rolled off the hood and to his feet.

"I'm not a faggot! You're a faggot!" he sneered as he and Logan got in the back seat.

"No, YOU'RE a faggot!" James joked back.

"Girls, girls," Kendall said with finality as he started the car, loving the satisfying purr the engine gave. "We're ALL faggots."

"Ooooh-" even Logan joined into the sarcastic chorus of mock understanding.

Carlos laid across the back seat, head in Logan's lap. Logan looked out the window as he stroked Carlos' cheek and hair.

"How'd you do on the History final?" James asked, turning in his seat to poke Carlos' arm.

"BOMBED IT!" Carlos sang happily. "But I happen to not give a fuck. I'll still pass. What about you?"

"Probably did okay. Logan? Did you get a hundred percent?"

"I was shooting for a hundred and five, but a hundred will do, too," Logan smiled sarcastically.

"I think you're too smart for your own good. Kenny? How'd you do?"

"I killed it."

"Literally?"

"Literally," Kendall nodded, sending Carlos into a fit of giggles and Logan grinning down at his adorable boyfriend. Suddenly the laughing stopped and Carlos shot up, eyes wide as he stared out the window.

"THE CARNIVAL!" he squealed before ripping around to Logan. "Can we go?"

Logan wanted to say yes- he'd say yes to anything the boy said when he used the huge chocolate eyes and the pouty lower lip to his advantage.

"I'm not the one driving," Logan said apologetically. Unphased, Carlos turned to stick his head between James and Kendall's.

"Kenny? PLEASE can we go to the carnival?" Carlos asked.

"If you promise to never call me 'Kenny' again… I still won't take you," Kendall said smartly. Carlos collapsed onto the glove box in disappointment.

"KEEEENDALLLL!" he groaned before looking back up at him. "I'll love you forever!"

"Hey!" James said in mock defense.

"James! Tell him!" Carlos pleaded.

"Okay, why can't you drive yourself?" Kendall asked.

"I don't have a license and Logan's car is in the shop!"

"Really?" Kendall asked flatly. "You just graduated high school and you don't have a license?"

"I've always had a James to take me places!" Carlos groaned.

"Okay, then I'll go home and the three of you can go," Kendall reasoned.

"Okay!"

"No!" James groaned as Carlos sat back with satisfaction. "You have to go!"

"I hate the carnival," Kendall said stubbornly.

"But if you don't go, I'll be the third wheel. AND I don't like heights and I won't have anyone to cuddle me cause Carlos and Logan'll be having sex everywhere."

"Will not."

"Please?" James pouted. Kendall looked from the road to his pouting boyfriend and groaned.

"That means I have to get all dolled up and stuff," Kendall said. "Which I'm not up for."

"Fine! You can just go to my house and hang out. You look fine."

Kendall gave James a "you're lucky you're cute" look.

"Fine," he gave in.

* * *

The smell of funnel cakes and corndogs, while it brought pure joy to the rest of his group, brought bad memories back for Kendall. His father used to always take Kendall and Katie and their mom to the fair.

He remembered coming in this exact spot, Katie on his back and his father next to him, telling him about how his first date with their mother was to the fair.

But now he was walking in under James' arm, his arm around James' waist, remembering this. James seemed to sense the tension and he turned to kiss Kendall's blonde hair, then his temple. Kendall loved that James was so patient with him.

"You okay?" James asked.

"Yeah. Just don't like the fair," Kendall said reluctantly.

"Bad memories?"

"Good memories. That's the problem," Kendall sighed.

"Your dad?"

"Yeah. I'll be okay, though."

James smiled a little, knowing Kendall was slowly getting stronger.

Carlos had already pulled Logan away to get in line for a ride, leaving the two alone.

"What do you wanna do?" Kendall asked, trying to get cheery.

"First I wanna ride some stuff. Then let's get some food and ride stuff then we'll get more food and go make out on the Ferris wheel," James said.

"I'm not so big on the rides," Kendall said honestly.

"But I love them! And I can't go by myself cause I get scared," James said the last part quietly. Kendall had to smile at how cute his boyfriend was.

"Big, macho-man James gets SCARED?" Kendall teased.

"I need a hot blonde guy to hold my hand," James whispered secretively, kissing Kendall's ear.

"I don't have the 'hot' part, but I AM blonde and I THINK I'm a guy," Kendall winked as they got in line for a VERY dangerous looking ride.

"You're right. You don't have the 'hot' part. You're more… 'Sexy'."

"Suck up," Kendall laughed, rolling his eyes.

* * *

Carlos groaned as he laid his cheek on Logan's shoulder and took a bite of his third corndog.

"I can't eat anymore… But it's so good!"

"You're gonna throw up on this ride," Logan laughed, looking up at the ride they were in line for, which was one that did a LOT of high-speed spinning. He was afraid to ride it, simply because it looked extremely unstable, like the other ones, but Carlos assured that he and James rode it last year- which did NOT help his case.

"James threw up on one of the rides last year… He doesn't do too well with spinny stuff," Carlos chuckled, sticking his corndog stick into Logan's jeans pocket.

"What's gonna happen when we're on this ride and all those sticks come out of my pocket and stab us?" Logan asked smartly.

"Best way to go- 'death by corndogs'."

Logan giggled and watched as the lights of the fair came on as the sky turned darker.

"You know, last year James wouldn't go on some of these ride with me," Carlos said, standing up straight to look at Logan.

"Why? Because he didn't want to die?"

"No- cause he gets scared and I wouldn't hold his hand," Carlos laughed. "So I had to pick up a few chicks to go on some rides with me while James sat around and got hit on. Oh my gosh- what do you think Kendall would do if some chick was hitting on James?"

"I'm sure it's happened before. He would probably start telling them off in his lispy girl voice and scare the girl away," Logan chuckled.

* * *

"Do you ever even work out?" Kendall asked, watched James chow down on a funnel cake as they sat on a bench.

"Sometimes. Why?"

"I'm just wondering how you eat absolute shit and just sit around all day, and still you have a bangin' body."

"It's all the sex I have," James said casually.

"Mmm-hmm," Kendall smirked. "I'm sure your hand is pretty tired of your booty calls."

"I guess I need someone else to call, then?" James winked.

"I don't think Adam Levine would answer the phone."

James' face turned to the dark sky in laughter as Kendall stole a bit of funnel cake.

"You still remember that from when we met? I don't even like Adam Levine," James laughed. Kendall loved it when his boyfriend laughed like this- long and hard and ending in gasps for air.

"Nobody does," Kendall said casually. "I just thought you were cute and wanted to get on your nerves when we met."

"And I just thought you were a makeup-wearing asshole and wanted to slit your throat with a knife," James said sweetly. "Some things never change."

It was Kendall's turn to keel over in laughter now, which took a lot these days.

"You make me happy," Kendall said, sitting up after a while. It was so sudden and random James had to think about what was said.

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"It's weird, but you do. You make me so happy," Kendall smiled. James couldn't help but grin and lean in to kiss Kendall's dimple.

"I love it when you're happy," he said as Kendall turned his face to kiss him on the lips.

"Me, too. Let's go make out on the Ferris wheel.

* * *

"This is really high up," James said nervously, looking over the edge as they stopped at the very top for others to board.

"If I jumped, do you think I'd die?" Kendall asked, getting up. There were no bars across the lap or anything- only a cart, and it almost made James chicken out.

"KENDALL!" James squeaked, pulling him back down. "I shouldn't have to tell you to not do that!"

"Oh- that was fun," Kendall said, getting up a few inches and slamming back down a few times to make the cart sway. He felt bad once James had doubled over to lay his chest in his lap, covering his head. "C'mon, baby. I'm sorry."

"You're not sorry! You're an asshole!"

Kendall laughed and pulled James up into his arms.

"I wouldn't let you fall. Unless my hands were sweaty and you slipped," Kendall said sweetly, making James jab him in the ribs at the last part. "These things are totally safe. They know there're jackasses like me that ride this thing and would kill their boyfriends if it weren't safe."

"You're not getting kisses," James said stubbornly.

Kendall laughed and looked out at the view as they started moving. Almost immediately he saw Carlos and Logan laughing and having the time of their lives on "The Scrambler" below.

"Why do you think Logan's the guy in the relationship? I think Logan's more feminine than Carlos," he said thoughtfully.

"It's because Logan beat up a hockey head for Carlos, so now Logan's his knight in shining armor and Carlos' is the pretty princess," James said, not moving from Kendall's arms.

"I guess."

Suddenly James chuckled a little and shook his head.

"What?" Kendall laughed.

James looked up at him mischievously.

"You're MY Knight in shining armor."

"HA! Punny as HELL, this one," Kendall said sarcastically. "Cause me last name is Knight. That's clever, James. REAL clever."

"I'm sensing some sarcasm," James said, eyes squinted. "I don't think you realize that that was the punniest thing I've ever said."

"You have a lot to learn, young grasshopper."

James grinned, but it was interrupted by Kendall kissing him.

"Is this the part where we make out?" James asked.

"I thought I wasn't getting any kisses," Kendall replied smartly.

"Oh. Right." James suddenly stopped kissing him and turned away, looking out over the carnival. Kendall giggled and pulled him back, James' mouth already open for him. Kendall had never made out with anyone and had no idea if he was doing it right, but he was enjoying himself.

"FAGS!" Someone yelled as they passed the ground. Kendall's hand shot out, flipping whoever it was and everyone else the bird as he and James continued.

* * *

"They're staring at us," Carlos said from where his cheek lay on Logan's shoulder as he, Logan, Kendall, and James waited in line for one of the more intense rides.

Logan looked up to see three boys their age in front of them, just staring. Carlos gave them a confused look and turned his face for his other cheek to be on Logan's shoulder.

"Could you turn around, please?" Logan asked.

"Are you guys fags or something?" one of them asked. Logan turned to his other side to see James and Kendall there, laughing about something that happened or was said.

"Kendall?" he said quietly. Kendall's eyes snapped to him. "Um… The kids in front of us are… They're being rude."

"Okay?"

"Could you… Do your whole 'asshole' bit?"

"Okay. Only cause you said asshole and I've never heard you say that before."

Kendall stepped forward to see their said boys staring at him.

"I hear you kids are being asswipes to my boyfriends," he said smoothly.

"Boyfriends?"

"Yeah," Kendall said, reaching up to run his hands through Carlos' black hair. "It's just the four of us."

James stepped forward to put his muscular arms around Logan and Carlos, Carlos being into the conversation now.

"How the fuck does THAT work?" one of the boys retorted.

"Well, it's like James here's dick is up MY ass, then mine is up-"

"Woah, woah, woah," the kid said defensively. "I don't wanna hear about that."

"Listen, buddy. I'll fuck you up if you pick on my boys," Kendall said lowly. "They're just being cute and innocent- just leave them alone."

Kendall stepped back to his original place casually.

"Thanks," Logan smiled, his dimples showing.

"That was sweet," James observed, putting his arms around his boyfriend from behind.

"Maybe Goody Two-Shoes here is growing on me," Kendall admitted. "Plus I just like to be a dick to people."

Finally they boarded the "Rocket Ship".

The bored sounding carnie said the rules of the ride and it started. It didn't seem so bad until they got so high that they went in a complete circle.

"I don't like this!" James yelled, gripping the bar across his lap.

"It's fun!" Kendall laughed, putting his hands up.

"KENDALL GET YOUR HANDS ON THE BAR!" James screamed and Kendall giggled, gripping the bar again.

Once the ride stopped, James sprinted off of the platform. He didn't want to admit it, but he was gonna hurl.

He didn't make it to the overflowing trashcan- he just puked in the grass beside the ride.

Kendall approached just as someone yelled "GROSS!"

"Shut up, asshole!" Kendall yelled as he patted James' back and James puked his guts out- two corndogs, a funnel cake, and school lunch. "Let it out, sugar."

Finally James finished and spat, trying to catch his breath. He stood and wiped his mouth on his hand, turning.

"Did you just call me 'sugar'?" James asked.

"Yeah. I did, didn't I? Are you okay?"

"You watched me puke?" James groaned.

"Yeah. We're like a level seventeen relationship now!" Kendall said sarcastically. "You don't feel like you're gonna puke again?"

"Nah- let's go again." James said excitedly.

"No way! We're going home." Kendall said sternly. "Let's find Carlos and Logan and skedaddle. They already ran off- didn't even see if you were okay."

"I didn't even get to win you a prize, though!"

"I'll live," Kendall said flatly, reaching out to hook a supportive arm around James' waist.

* * *

"Carlos, this is dumb! It's obviously a scam." Logan said quietly to Carlos as his boyfriend aimed the baseball at the milk jugs. He had already tried three times and waisted twenty dollars on this stupid game.

"No way- I'm awesome at this game." Carlos said, throwing the ball, hitting the top jug.

"Okay, fine. But at LEAST do it right? You have to hit the bottom middle one. If that one goes, they all go." Logan said. Carlos aimed, and just as Logan said, he knocked them all down but the bottom left.

"WOW! That was a great shot!" the peppy carnie girl behind the counter said in the mic. "You get a medium prize!"

"They have that last one glued down. Can't get rid of the big ones." Logan said.

"I want the purple duck." Carlos told the girl. She gave it to him and Carlos turned to Logan.

"A souvenir for my dearest?" he said sweetly, holding the duck out. Logan looked at the thing. It was sort of big, goody looking, dark purple with a huge bill with its tongue hanging out of it and big eyes- it looked cheep and easily destroyed.

Even so, Logan's hear melted. It was just like in the movies- the boy wins an awesome prize for the girl just to be sweet.

"You keep it." Logan said.

"I already have my teddy bear. Besides- I'll cry if you don't take it." Carlos said sternly. "His name is Mister Doodles and he wuvs you."

Logan smiled and Carlos loved it when he smiled. He loved his little dimples- it made him unique and adorable. Although Kendall has dimples, too, which makes Carlos a little weirded out.

"You're the sweetest." Logan said, taking to duck and kissing Carlos on his cheek.

* * *

"I had a nice time." James said leaning over the console and kissing Kendall's cheek. Kendall wiped his cheek off in disgust.

"I'm sorry, babe- but puke breath doesn't suit me." Kendall giggled.

"What? Really?" James teased, kissing Kendall's jaw then neck and cheek.

"You're gonna make me wreck and kill us all, you asshole." Kendall said, putting his hand over James's face and pushing him away with a giggle.

"Hm- guess you'll havta wash off in my shower tonight. Too bad." James said, poking Kendall's cheek just to make him mad.

"Knock it off!" Kendall said, elbowing his boyfriend, but smiling afterward to show that he wasn't actually mad.

* * *

**Like it? REVIEW!**

**P.S. Does anyone know of any really good STRAIGHT fics? I know, weird request, but I'm a girl and I need straight somewhere in my life. I don't really like Camille/Jo/Stephanie as much as original characters. Any requests?**


End file.
